Seven days in the life of a misguided Cossack or a legend about the difficult fate of travel agents - 2
To be continued. Start here:
Frau, I'm not a real Stirlitz,
I am a KGB colonel…
(Ivan Kaif "Secret Tango")
I named the story as I named it because of the prohibition on the part of the tour operator's management to tell the rest of the group that I am not a travel agent, and even more so that I am going for free. It seemed strange enough to me, I had not heard anything like this from previous intruders. Will the toad crush the rest? Nothing, I'm just pathologically truthful, well, except that I can keep silent about something, and even that is unlikely. In short, the spy from me is nothing, rather, I am a godsend for it. Well, okay, no way, no way! It's even more interesting.
It's time to travel. And again the torment about the choice of clothing. At that time, summer returned again, and to the entire territory of Ukraine. But, as is traditionally the case, exactly on the start date of the tour, the forecast promised worsening weather conditions. And every day the forecast became sadder and sadder. My battered suitcase was adapted for flying from winter to summer (a couple of swimsuits, slippers, shorts), but not vice versa. But it clearly fit into the dimensions of hand luggage, and I did not risk being left without the above-mentioned things that were vital to me during transfers. So, I had to take an umbrella and as many as three jackets for all occasions, and the ski one took half a suitcase, okay, one third. But still, there is no more room left for feathers and rhinestones : )))
The meeting was scheduled for 8 am in Lviv. The Mariupol train arrives there at 11 o'clock, which absolutely did not suit me. There was an option to spend the night in Lviv, but I chose another, from my point of view, cheaper one - to go with a transfer in Kyiv. I arrive at half past one, and the Lviv train leaves at 22.40, and I will be in Lviv at 6.30. Half a day you need to rummage somewhere. Having handed over the chumodanchik to the left-luggage office, she headed towards the subway with a confident step. Having reached Arsenalnaya, following the instructions of the audio guide (my friend on the phone), I went to the left, reached the monument to the Holodomor, then past the Pechersk Lavra to the Park of Glory. With disgust, I walked past all sorts of different Grads, armored personnel carriers, tanks and other devices for killing, I was amazed that people still pay money to enter the exposition. God forbid you see it all (or at least hear it) at work, so to speak! She went down the deserted Spivochoy field to the boat with the founders of Kyiv. Few of you know, and those who knew, probably forgot, but the fact is that I don’t really like cities, especially big ones. Guides are generally useless to me, anyway, I won’t remember anything, and I’ll just waste my time listening to their stories. Well, unless they know better what to watch. It is much more interesting for me to run quickly through all the objects myself, take a look at them, click my tongue admiringly (if there is something to admire) and rush on. Much more I love nature! Therefore, please consider this when you are about to throw a slipper at me. Well, I'm not impressed by all sorts of different cultural objects. Sea, mountains, sunrises, sunsets - yes! It's forever! Well, I took a picture of the Motherland and the boat for the sake of decency, because they were against the backdrop of a rather beautiful cloudy sky.
So, in search of nature, I went along the embankment towards the pedestrian bridge. And it smelled so natural, sometimes like a river, sometimes like urine. The second is more often. There are plenty of fishermen, even something is caught. With me, a man fished out a crucian. Some of the men were swimming. Even more than the fishermen there were ducks, and all in pairs, all in chin-chinar - a duck and a drake. Well, here's a more serious catch! Healthy fox! Well, nothing! I would never have thought that in the city you can catch this!
Having reached the pedestrian bridge and having difficulty finding the crossing across the road, I went up to the puppet theater and then along Khreshchatyk I reached the Pot-bellied Hata, since it was time for me to eat for a long time, and it was even more time to powder my nose. Despite her topographic idiocy, she unmistakably found her way to the toilet, although she was here once three or four years ago, and it is located in a back street. After a quick snack, I went towards Sophia Square. I went into St. Michael's Cathedral, lit a few candles, including one for the success of my hopeless cause, drank two cups of holy water at once, and moved on. Having reached St. Andrew's Church, she asked for directions to Landscape Alley. Perhaps because I had already seen pictures of this place several times (including beautiful photos of Polina), this place did not cause me anything but a smile, I didn’t want to take pictures, and it was already getting dark. I was more interested in the old houses in the form of turrets built in 1903 and 1904 and all sorts of different juniper trees planted in the alley. Then I returned back to Sophia Square in the hope that the temples had already been illuminated. But no, I'm not lucky. Only the house near the Hilton Hotel (or not the Hilton? ) was illuminated. Very nice!
Following the instructions of the same friend over the phone, I reached the Golden Gate, which, unfortunately, was also not illuminated, although it was already completely dark. From there I went to Khreshchatyk. It was Sunday and the action was in full swing. She stood for a while to watch the show - a tiny, puny old woman, about seventy, but dressed very extravagantly, was kneeling to incendiary rock and roll, and next to her was a friend of indeterminate sex, apparently a homeless person, who also did not yield to her. And the whole crowd filmed it all on their phones, and someone even danced to the soloists.
Well, how do you like the minibus? As I was later told, this is a 2-day excursion route. It took me 6 hours. But it didn't come in vain. Imagine for a moment what it is like to put on shoes for the first time after sandals, albeit with low heels, and right off the bat! Well, I already cut my toenails to winter length, they stopped clattering on the floor : )))), but anyway, over the summer they got used to feeling at ease, and here they were shackled in shoes! Pressed me in these places mercilessly! At the end of the walk, I was already frankly clubfoot, but did not give up, I walked back and forth along Khreshchatyk. Why not sit at the station? But already tired. I returned by metro to the station and went back to Puzata hut (to the station forecourt). I didn't want to eat, but I had to. Then she took the suitcase and, barely waiting for the train, collapsed onto her top shelf. The head of the group called with a question, why didn’t I take my passport from her? (And the rest of the group rode in another car). Well, I didn't take it! We'll see you in the morning anyway. The Kyiv-Lvov train was moving so quietly that at times I thought that we were standing - there was only a slight vibration. Yes, the condition of the jelly cloth west of the capital is much better than to the southeast.
We met in a group. We got on the bus. There were 18 of us, and the bus was large, so each took 2 seats. Gorgeous! We left even earlier than planned, at 7.15. But as soon as she sat down and relaxed, she felt something was not right. Itchy throat! This was just not enough! After an hour, it was no longer just tickling, it was specifically painful for me to swallow! And where did it come from? Well, I ran yesterday, I was either hot or cold, but this, in principle, is nonsense. And then I remember that even on the train Mariupol-Kyiv, a girl was sitting next to me, constantly sniffing her nose and with eyes as red as those of a rabbit. Probably, she picked up some garbage from her, although, it seems, they didn’t kiss? Well, in general, fun!
As for medicines, I had with me: 0.5 of holy water collected in St. Michael's Cathedral, 0.7 of cognac and dry wormwood. I relied on my reinforced concrete immunity and took nothing else, and was immediately punished for my self-confidence. But you have to do something, otherwise it will end with a temperature of over forty, and I'll just fall down! I drank holy water, chewed wormwood, gargled with cognac - it does not help! Stopped in Skole for a bite to eat. The establishment was called, in my opinion, "OK". Something like a canteen. I took mashed potatoes for myself (for some reason, not mashed potatoes, but crushed potatoes) and champignons stewed in sour cream. It was delicious, but it is strange why champignons are served in the mushroom region, and not real mushrooms. Paid 25 hryvnia. I asked for a piece of lemon at the bar. They gave it out for a hryvnia. Chewed. Does not help. We arrived in Uzhgorod. There, at the station, they picked up two more participants of the info tour. And I began to look out the pharmacy. But in Uzhgorod, apparently, people are exceptionally healthy, not like in Mariupol. In our city, pharmacies are like uncut dogs, three per square meter. Not seeing a single one, she pestered the leader of the group. I really didn’t want to do this, I’ll still think that, now, they’ve taken a burden on their heads! But I had to. Fortunately, the driver did not print out any documents and he needed to go to the computer club, so he took a taxi and took me too, there is a pharmacy nearby. Taking an order for medicine from another girl with a slightly different problem, let's go. The driver did his job, I did mine. I bought myself a spray for my throat, pro-ambassador and, just in case, paracetamol. Let's go further. Throat splashed - oh, vigorous thing! Have a bite to eat after! And you can't. The people, by the way, were also sick, but for a much more pleasant reason - most of the group on the train celebrated the beginning of the trip at midnight
At the border, they took off all of us again, though not all five, but only the right big one. If they rummaged through the luggage, then without us, we didn’t see anything. In the salon, they selectively asked one girl to show her bag. We were looking for vodka and cigarettes. Not found. The procedure took 1.5 hours. The MTS antenna in the phone stayed for several more kilometers after the border, then it disappeared, and I turned off the phone. Not having time to drive even a dozen kilometers, the driver fell into the clutches of local gayts, lurking on the outskirts of the town. Gave 20 euros for speeding. And then it was no longer possible to exceed - they crawled like turtles. Endless road repairs. And despite this, the road still did not look perfect.
It took about two hours to get to Kosice. Leaving the bus, everyone climbed into their suitcases to warm up. It was not fun at all - the wind was strong and cold. I put on a ski jacket and even a hood. We had a tour of the city. Brrr! And the town turned out to be quite nice - a lot of old buildings and religious institutions, if without a guide, for two hours, in order to have time to run around a few side streets in addition to the main street. And so for an hour and a half, blue from the cold, we obediently followed the guide, although we already madly wanted to go to the hotel under the covers. I clicked on the photos with crooked fingers, but it was already getting dark, so the quality is so-so. I remember one story told by the guide. Showing a very beautiful cathedral, the woman said that it was built by a famous architect who had a heavily drinking wife. He suffered greatly over her unworthy behavior and decided to make, instead of one of the gargoyles, a statue of his wife in a drunken state (rather unsightly), so that she would be ashamed and stop sour. Naive! As they say, I will smoke, but I will not quit drinking! So it is with her. From grief, a man threw himself off an unfinished cathedral (or drowned himself? ), I don’t remember.
On the way back to the bus, we dropped into Tesco for literally five minutes. I, of course, rushed to the liquor department. There was no time to choose. I saw a promotional dry red (1 liter with a twist) for 1.5 euros, for some reason there was something about Portugal in the name (I’ll drink on Saturday, I’ll tell you). Everything else cost more. This is all good, but the nose needed to be powdered urgently. Our bus stood on the site near some shopping center, and one boy from our group said that he went to one of the cafes called some kind of kebab for this purpose, but not the one with cradles, just kebab. Well, here we are, having made muzzles like choppers, we amicably proceeded past the frozen waiters to the far corner of the cafe. But it turned out that this is not the corner, which was evidenced by the friendly chorus of the same waiters and bartender - “To the right! ”. Having done their business, smiling guiltily, they left the cafe, boarded the bus and departed.
That's all for today. Dali will.
