мега отдых!!!!!!!!!!!!! mega vacation!!!!!!!!!!!

Tunisia? Definitely yes!

Let's start with the fact that you can fly to Tunisia only from Kyiv, Borispol airport. The road, very unexpectedly for us, was not as tiring as it might seem. On the contrary, everything was very fun. We went there with a full bus of some Tajiks, expectations and plans for a vacation, in a light alcoholic intoxication to Poltava and half asleep after.
We flew to Tunisia very well! By the way, on an Airbus, and not on a flying “karus” MD-82, like all those that fly from our native Kharkov. The flight was delayed by 2 hours. But this did not bother us at all, so we calmly went for a walk to the Kiev duty-free, hung there near the Swarovski stones, then near the glasses and, finally, near our last destination for this moment - alcohol.
Whiskey or rum? martini or asti martini? tequila or baileys?

- what to take with you on a trip - a question that made us think before answering correctly. But then the Khokhlyatsky brain came to the rescue and answered: what is more profitable! - and we took 3 for the price of 2-liter bottles of Baileys and an economical 3-liter bottle of Martini Bianco. Well, try Bacardi Mohito, of course! ! !
We killed time, but the landing was not announced. While they called all friends and relatives, a little more passed. I got lucky with my friends though! ! ! One of my friends, a very experienced traveler, was extremely surprised that we had not drunk anything in the morning and advised us to start this exciting trip with alcohol. After the next visit to the duty-free, we organized German brut champagne, and it was cold. Who came up with this wonderful idea to open another taste of Bacardi Mojito? And then mix it with champagne?
The effect was achieved: here we are, as soon as we opened the bottles, and in the next moment - we are already on board the plane. Yes, it was a little nauseous at first, but then it was good to sleep.
It is strange that we were even allowed into the country, because at passport control we were laughing at the whole line, singing songs and flirting with all the men)))
At the customs in Monastir, they were a little surprised by the amount of alcohol per capita arriving in the Muslim country, but then they just smiled, and soon laughed when I tried to squeeze through the automatically opening door. (All the same, it turns out that we slightly exceeded the amount legally allowed for import))))) By the way, Tunisia is a visa-free country.
Thanks to the tour operator, the transfer was quite safe, and the resettlement was quick (the rooms in almost all hotels are in the national blue and white style with the same color tiles), and even with cold grapefruit juice and some kind of fruit in the room. We took a shower, put on summer sundresses and went out for dinner....
It was then that I realized that we were not mistaken with the choice of the country ! ! !
Considering that we were, to put it mildly, out of shape: a half-sleep night on the bus to Kyiv, hours of waiting at the airport, flights and transfers affected, but as soon as we entered the restaurant, all the waiters, cooks, hotel workers and other vacationers. It was a blast!

After dinner, which impressed us with the abundance of various dishes and their quantity, and the hotel is only 3+, we went to explore the area. It was really very dark, but at least we figured out where we were, and where the beach was, and where everything else was... like the hookah and the bar.
We wandered around quite a bit, because on the territory of 16 hectares there is also the hotel "Soul Azur" 4 and "Royal Azur" 5, which have a common infrastructure.
In general, we wanted to take a quick walk, but then we got hooked somewhere, then we talked there and found that our balcony in the room turned out to be overlooking the sea!
In the morning, at breakfast, the continuation of yesterday's epic awaited us: and who came to us? ! From these views sometimes it became uncomfortable, but you get used to everything! The omelet fried in front of you was amazing and the melted cheese pancakes just melted in your mouth! Then there was a meeting with a hotel guide and we bought a 2-day trip to the Sahara (215 dinars with jeeps and camels), persuaded a couple who flew on the same flight to go, met and agreed to meet later on the beach.
We have already gone to the beach with Baileys, so it is not surprising that both the sun was amazing and the sea was overflowing. Even then, on the first day, I realized that the rest will succeed!
Our new acquaintances pulled up and we spent the first half of the day on the beach, and after lunch we went to the pool. I danced some salsa at the animation, and then we found 10 dinars and quickly decided to drink them. A cold beer after a hot salsa was just right. Dinner was, as always, delicious, and the four of us went to smoke a hookah, which turned out to be suspiciously cheap - 3.5 dinars, with our money something about 20 UAH.
The trip to the Sahara began with the fact that we and our friends overslept. And how could the four of us have not rung alarm clocks ? ? ?

And it was like this: I woke up in the morning from the fact that the mula sang a call to prayer, it was clear that there was a mosque somewhere nearby. I lie, listen to these oriental tunes, I think: “No, well, just like in Turkey. There, too, they called out closer to morning ...”and this thought shot me a little, that now it’s not earlier than half past five. I look at the clock, it clearly says 4.37.
And we had to get up at 4.10, and our things were not packed for 2 days of the trip, and we were not washed, and the Martini was not poured on the road ...uuzhzhzhaassss.
- Lila! ! ! ! How much time do you have on your watch? I have 4.37
- And I have 4.38, - said Lily.
- The bottom line is that we overslept anyway and were late for breakfast! ! !

And it began: herds to the bathroom, herds to the balcony for towels and bathing suits, to dress at a gallop. And then it dawned on us: I wonder if our neighbors woke up? And if you wake up, then why don't they come in? We ran to them, and it turned out that they had got up 5 minutes ago because their alarm clocks had not rung! Some kind of poltergeist! In general, we ran out of the rooms already flushed, but how can we miss the sacred - breakfast?
Breakfast was like artistic juggling with rolls, peaches and cookies, and someone else quickly tried to pour yogurt into himself))) Then it all ended with my bag opening and everything from the plates fell into it, and that's all in the meantime for now a bus with a guide was waiting for us at the entrance.
And the trip was great. Well, firstly, we came across an awesome guide, whose mother is from Moscow, and her father is Tunisian. Alexey from Carthage Plus - hello! Therefore, he is thoroughly familiar with Russian features and traditions, speaks fluent Russian and naturally Arabic, as well as French, English and several other languages. The competence of his knowledge also includes the entire Arabic flavor and the history of the Ancient World, the customs, culture, cuisine of many countries - for which he received the nickname "Wikipedia" from us.

And he pleasantly impressed us with his trademark pipes and national Berber outfits: on the first day he was in all white - a spacious shirt, Aladdin pants, wonderful sandals-sabs and a man's headdress; in the evening he changed into an outfit the color of coffee with milk - a long dress, a huge scarf on his shoulders and some equally funny sandals; and in the morning the style of the outfit coincided with yesterday's white, only appeared in all black ! ! !
Full national flavor!
We visited Kairouan, the 4th most sacred Muslim city after Mecca, Medina and Jerusalem, had lunch on the way, transferred to jeeps and went to a mountain waterfall. We met with local residents who wanted to buy my girlfriend for n number of jeeps))). Then we drove in jeeps through desert dunes and sand dunes. It was quite extreme and the driver's fervent cry in broken Russian: “Hold on!
"in front of a steep hill made us sweat a little))) From there we moved to the star city, where the Hollywood director Lucas built the scenery for the movie" Star Wars ".
But another mode of transport was waiting for us - horse-drawn carts that took us to the oasis of date palms, where 389 thousand of these same palm trees grow. There we were shown how dates grow, they gave us a taste of fresh harvest dates, as well as date palm juice. They also gave us something to smoke, some kind of local potion, which made our throat very tickle. In the same place, we all bought these very fresh harvest dates and, satisfied and happy, went for dinner and an overnight stay at a transit hotel. The hotel turned out to be quite decent with small cozy rooms, a spacious bathroom and a huge balcony, as well as two swimming pools (regular and thermal) that work around the clock.
Wake up service was funny enough - at 3.50 am we just knocked on the door.
After breakfast, our bus took us to the desert to the salt lake to meet "...dawn in Africa ... ", after which we had a 45-minute camel ride and free time, which some spent riding buggies, quad bikes, motorized hang gliders, and some, t i. e. we decided to smoke a hookah with a local Bedouin who looked incredibly like a camel and spoke a mixture of Arabic and French. But as Lilya said: “Everything was clear in the eyes”, besides, no one has yet canceled the sign language.

Well, as true women, we could not deny ourselves the purchase of local rags and immediately decided to put everything on ourselves, like monkeys. After that, I became completely similar to an Arab))) And in this beautiful form, we went to have lunch at the national Berber restaurant - a stylized cave of troglodytes.
By the way, the Berbers are the general name of the tribes living in the south of Tunisia, which includes Bedouins, troglodytes, Tuareg and many others. And we have many funny moments connected with food in Tunisia, which mainly consisted in the fact that we were afraid everywhere don't eat! For example, they brought us bricks - national pasties with potatoes and eggs - according to the number of people sitting at the table, and rice with vegetables, we divided them among those present, ate baguettes, we were afraid that we would be hungry, and right there, they immediately bring a huge dish of couscous (I call this dish “everything in the fridge” - porridge, potatoes, peas, carrots, pumpkin, cabbage, meat and seasonings), which we no longer counted on and our stomach too. And then more melons… And so it is everywhere: Lilya and I went to a restaurant – no, perhaps the restaurant is another story, I’d better finish about the Sahara.
The end point of our two-day tour was the El Jem Amphitheatre, the second largest amphitheater in the world after the Colosseum. By the way, the film "Gladiator" was filmed in El Jem. It is really very big and impressive.
We had very little strength left, the whiskey and cola really helped us a lot, and the rest of the journey was as entertaining as the whole trip: we pestered our wonderful guide with our stupid questions: for example, why does he marry a girl from Tunisia, and not in Russian, or is the handsome prince who built a falconry farm? Upon arrival at the hotel, our enthusiasm was only enough for dinner, after which everyone fell asleep like groundhogs.
The next day, we had planned a stupid lying on the beach by the sea, which we did with pleasure. And for lunch, we decided to go to the city to eat "shapati" - as we were told, these are local hamburgers with tuna, egg and tomatoes.

After 15 minutes, we got lost: Lilya and I went to stare at shoes and handbags, and the programmers were brought to the grocery store - and who, where, who was still waiting for a mystery. We didn’t find hamburgers very much, but we were already hungry enough, so we decided to go to the Cap Azur restaurant not far from the hotel, where there was a menu in 4 languages: Russian, English, German and French. We were embarrassed by only one thing: that they were going to the city straight from the beach in swimsuits, sundresses and licked wet heads. And the Arabs were not embarrassed! It seemed that for them we are the most beautiful girls on the planet! We ordered lasagna and local swill - tibarina. And we really hoped that alcohol would be brought to us immediately, but the waiter immediately let us know that you should eat first and then drink. “Somehow it’s not our way, ” we exchanged surprised looks among ourselves. They immediately brought us baguettes, olives, salad, local adjika - harissa, spices ....AND….
after 10 minutes asked why we do not eat? I tried to answer that we were waiting for the main course (to no avail, for me) and immediately remembered the guide's story about the local cuisine, where it is customary to eat these light snacks, wetting a baguette in harissa diluted with olive oil. We immediately corrected ourselves and ate to such an extent that when they brought us lasagna, it was no longer up to it. All this time, 2 waiters were spinning around us and trying to find out “we are madams or mademoiselles”)))) But when they brought tibarin, it tastes like a mixture of whiskey, sambuca and becherovka, which was also accompanied by a fruit platter of melon, watermelon and grapes , - it was beyond our strength! We crawled to the hotel like Gummi bears, and the eccentric from the restaurant chased us for a long time, it turns out, just to say goodbye! (lunch cost us 30 dinars).
Near the pool, we found “Gavriks” lost in the city, who surrounded themselves with their miracle equipment, which they brought from Kyiv more than I even have at home: a telephone, a smartphone, a pcp prefix, an e-book, a huge camera with a tripod and a laptop. Do you know why a laptop? Not even for the Internet! Attention! To charge the console!
Someone drove for a martini and the celebration of life continued. We moved the sun loungers around the pool, turned on the music and enjoyed the pleasant conversation, the warm September evening and the opportunity to relax without thinking about the things that occupy our heads at home. We went to dinner for the sake of decency, because lunch at the restaurant, probably, was digested only by the next dinner, so we only ate ice cream and then through force. But our friends ate shrimp and cauliflower in batter on both cheeks, and we just looked at them and envied them.

In the morning, we paid for a boat trip on a pirate ship (45 dinars), the day promised to be cloudy, and my face already looked like this after arriving late yesterday) I really didn't want to go. But our unimportant mood lasted exactly to the seaport: as soon as we saw pirate ships, heard loud groovy music and felt that we had come for a reason - the feeling of a holiday of life came again) It is almost impossible to convey our feelings in words - we just squealed with delight. It all started according to the old scheme with martinis, then we met with half of the crew of pirates who were on the ship. By the way, they put on an unforgettable show on deck. In the beginning, they, like real monkeys, climbed the ropes and decks, jumping from one mast to another and holding on, sometimes with one foot, hung upside down.
One of the pirates was named Antonio, and I think he smelled the martini from the other side of the deck and went to sniff. We drank, smoked and he pulled me out to dance on the podium! Then there was a wonderful dance animation, at the end of which everyone was doused with a huge jet of salt water from a hose. There was also swimming in the open sea. What’s more, they fed us! And I didn't even have to stand in line! One of the pirates brought us everything with home delivery! I lost my sandal, we met crazy people from Algeria, a cheerful couple of immigrants from Kazakhstan and, of course, how can you forget those eyes! ! ! Yes, it's a pirate fakir. A man with a capital "M". Emotionally, this trip was the most intense of all the rest, the impressions are unforgettable and indelible from memory! After lunch, by the way, the sun came out and we went to the beach, where our imaginary friends were already waiting for us.
We all decided to go to Medina, but at the last moment I changed my mind and somewhere in the dinner area, I finally put myself in order, put on an evening dress and put on makeup. Just in time for 20.00, the freaks returned from a walk and we went for dinner, animation, hookah, baileys ....and we were offered to go to a disco in South Hammamet. We agreed quickly, jumping into a cab with an almost full bottle of Baileys and half a bottle of gin in my bag. Our path lay in Latino Bar. There were not overcrowded people, the fun was in full swing! We danced to green tomatoes. By the way, the Tunisian disco is a separate action that deserves a part of my story. Let's start with the fact that back in Kharkov I wanted to attend some dances in order to compare them, for example, with our discos or Turkish ones.
And so I got there: I would immediately like to note the girls there, 10 percent of all those present, the rest are half-starved guys, though not all Arabs, but the majority. A little further after midnight, everyone is dancing where they can: on chairs, tables, in the aisles - everywhere))) And everyone is constantly trying to cut you off, so if you didn’t come by yourself, just hold on to your hands all the time, and that doesn’t always help)

We returned to the hotel in the morning and all together went to the sea. In the afternoon, we all got out together to the Medina, went to eat in a beer pub (we ate pizza with tuna - quite tasty - 8 dinars), then walked around the city, bought sweets and even went shopping.
A young Arab on a scooter, letting me pass on the road, involuntarily created a traffic jam))) In general, the city is very colorful: shops of fresh spices, spices and olives (there are a lot of olives and dates in Tunisia), oriental, Arabic and French sweets, national crafts and jewelry and much, much more.
We went to dinner on the last day sad - very sad, the hookah didn’t work that day, so after sitting a little on the animation, we changed clothes, immediately packed our things and went to the sun loungers we had chosen for a long time near the pool with bedspreads and Baileys.
There were 2 hours left before our departure, and I remember this time no less strongly than the Sahara, a boat trip and the whole time I was in Tunisia: the night sky, the light of the stars, not a soul anywhere, the sound of waves in absolute silence, and a complete lack of understanding that in fact, it's all over, has come to its logical conclusion and it's time to pull yourself together and tune in to the return trip and return home. I am saying all this now after a month has passed since my arrival, and then I did not understand anything, I only felt that something good was being interrupted, something unusually joyful and exciting, and frantically tried to delay these minutes, remember them forever and not cry . Because I wanted to cry to disgrace ...
I got such a maximum and positive from this trip that so far life in Ukraine seems to me non-existent and somehow unreal, and the present will still be - somewhere in a year, I know...
Goodbye Tunisia!