Краткое пособие по увлекательнейшему погружению в мир экзотики Таиланда A short guide to a fascinating dive into the exotic world of Thailand

After a long, ten-hour tiring flight, the voyage to Thailand ended, so ambiguous and surprising that it is unlikely to get off with a brief review. But, if you are already fed up with domestic travel services, as well as the rudeness of servants in Egypt, and the slow but steady decline in the level of travel services in Turkey, then the next country you visit is Thailand, as the most optimal way to relax in terms of price-quality ratio. So, I’ll try to bring the pros and cons to your court in order, but only in my deeply subjective view, and of course it’s up to you to decide. And of course, a number of practical tips, the implementation of which I hope will help you organize your vacation in an exceptionally high-quality and optimal way.
Departure from Domodedovo - 2 charter flights somewhere around 11 pm. With this, everything is clear. The flight is tiring, but not too much, because at night. Due to the time difference, arrive at Bangkok airport at 11 local time, where you need to fill out an immigration card. Do not linger at the exit and try to quickly walk a kilometer to the treasured tables, where the Thais will explain to you with signs how to do it right. Then straight ahead and to the left, to the exit, where representatives of travel agencies are waiting for you.
And so, after 2 hours on the bus (137 km) under the excellent, and as it turned out later very useful guide instruction, we are in Pattaya. We stopped at the Naklua Beach Resort Hotel not only for reasons of economy, but also for the convenience of the location - on the seashore, at the beginning of Pattaya, there are two markets nearby, a bunch of wholesalers and all sorts of eateries, which is important with such a busy holiday event. Nearby I found a delicious pizza, which is delivered throughout the city on scooters at a price of 195 to 400 baht with shrimp, crabs and other yummy. And! later! We discovered another major superiority of the hotel! Since it is at the beginning, we leave on an excursion and arrive from it in the first case exactly at 5 o'clock one hour later than everyone else, and in the case of arrival also earlier than everyone else at the same hour. The pool is in the hotel! Attention!!! ! Around the clock! ! What is also important is that at night after wandering around the working street you can swim for pleasure. Chlorine buckets do not interfere, the pool is clean with water vacuum cleaners. Chlorine, of course, is used, but carefully and imperceptibly for vacationers. There were no cases of theft from the rooms for 10 days. The intimacy of the hotel also turned out to be correct, and thanks to this excellent service and the friendliness of the staff. Thais in general are friendly all the polls, especially in relation to farangs, that is, to us, but in this hotel they are friendly and helpful more than in the center. The breakfasts at the hotel are simply excellent and quite allow you to turn over without serious snacks until the evening, which is important when organizing a beach holiday. on their prestige and belonging, because Pataya is still a fairly large city like Yalta and all waste products, following the laws of physics, somehow fall into the sea.

So after breakfast - on the sea, on the corral beach! There are several ways. You choose. The first one is a ferry tram, departing in an hour from the main pier (the schedule should be clarified), behind Workin Street -30 baht (27 rubles) from the bow - takes you to the northern pier on the island in about 40 minutes. The distance of the island from Pattaya is 8 km by sea. Further beaches to the left - large, to the right small with white sand, palm trees, but expensive sunbeds with umbrellas -100 baht.
The second way is on the same pier, the same trams for 150 baht from the nose, but already for a round-trip and to the best southern beach of the same island with perfectly clean beaches, a larger swimming area, excellent coral reefs and an ideally clean and warm sea, but!! ! The ambush consists in the fact that a bunch of people are stuffed onto the tram - more than a hundred, and there is no pier at the southern tip of the island, therefore the boat stops at 150 meters and then the people are taken out by motor pies of 15-20 people. Unloading is done quickly, but for any reason you lose more than an hour during this procedure. And the return time is announced to you forcibly and you cannot reschedule it.
The third and most optimal way is to rent an individual boat. The price of the boat is from 2500 baht to 4 thousand, depending on the power and capacity, but if you are from 4 to 12 people, this is quite an affordable and acceptable price per capita consumption of the service (children under 10 years old are free) In this case, you should be careful and cold-blooded. When hiring, they work with pickups, and therefore, the law of the three stations in Moscow prevails. You can overpay for the same service, but you can even save money compared to the second method. The advantages are undeniable - the way to the beach instead of an hour-20 minutes. The boat is at your disposal even until the night. The ride is comfortable and exciting. Cons - you need to bargain and stand firm on your price. You need to know at least a little English. The trip costs from 300 to 400 baht, which is more than twice as expensive, but... see below. Benefits.
Now the following rules related to transport - (this is important) Pattaya - mainly consists of 4 streets along which transport-tuk-tuks (jeeps) follow, where instead of a cargo part, quite a comfortable space is arranged like an army car with soft benches and free access from the street to them - with a capacity of about 10 people). If you need to get somewhere you !!! Attention! ! Just get into the transport and go where you need to, having previously correctly chosen the direction yourself (at first there were some difficulties, because the traffic is right-handed). If you ask the driver where to go, then the Thai usually drops off all the passengers and takes you where you need to go, but then demands up to 300 baht from you for the trip. In case you do like everyone else, i. e. silently sit down and drive, and then you press the button and go out - pay 10 baht. Usually, with the right hiring of a tuk tuk, if you need to change at the fountain, or a company-transport with the right trade, it costs from 100 to 150 baht. At night - a little more expensive - by 50%.

The point for orientation in the city and the terminus of many tuk-tuks is the fountain-ring traffic and the confluence point of four streets in the city center.
As for stopping transport, this should not bother you. Cars run at intervals of a maximum of 2 minutes, and as soon as you just stop at the edge of the sidewalk, a welcoming soft horn signal immediately follows, and if you wave your hand, the tuk tuk stops - see further above.
In the mornings, with the whole team of 9 people, we got to the pier, and for that - as soon as one of us appeared on the threshold of the hotel, the same tuk-tuk passing by on its own initiative was waiting for our company for at least ten minutes. Further, reaching the end of his route, we threw 20-30 baht and drove through Workin Street to the pier to the boat (this is another couple of kilometers). As a result, the road from the hotel to the island took a little more than 30 minutes, which is quite acceptable.
Next up are excursions. Already paid, but a crocodile farm and a rock park. The excursion from Tez tour was very pleasant. Of course, there was some irritation, because it was primarily organized to increase sales of latex and jewelry factories, but it was done beautifully, and even the pillow turned out to be very comfortable and decent. Regarding the elephant show, it's nice to feed the elephant with bananas, drop dead when the elephant kisses you on the cheek with its trunk. Yes, and catching crocodiles with a special fishing rod with a torn chicken is also exciting and very interesting and exciting. The rock park is just breathtakingly perfect. The mini zoo is also very interesting, because the animals are healthy and quite happy with life, unlike the Moscow zoo.
The show with crocodiles caused an ambiguous reaction - of course, it’s scary for a Thai who fearlessly puts his head into the mouth of a crocodile, but looking closely, it’s noticeable that there are no main incisors of fangs, although if the mouth still closes, it’s clearly not enough.

So I liked the tour very much, despite the 200 dollars spent from the family budget for a pillow and a silver ring with a small diamond and a snake purse for the little one.
The second and last excursion, on which we decided to spend two days out of ten, is no longer so unambiguous, although it still deserves interest and detailed coverage - a trip to the Kwai River with elephant riding, rafting on the river, an overnight stay in a floating hotel, a visit to a peasant's hut, waterfalls, swimming in a radon spring, and almost getting lost!! ! boating through the village, where instead of roads there are water channels.
So - the first day, the first stop is the hut of a peasant-planter of coconut palms. So-so, but it began to annoy that for a lot of money - buy and buy everywhere . . Further riding along the canals in the village. It looks good in the pictures, but it's a village !! ! And people live in it, and therefore, the stench, dirty water and the stench of gasoline from the engine. Bottom line - I didn't like it at all. Then a long journey, lunch with a buffet, which lacks not only meat, but also chicken. Pieces of chicken only with onions, from which it is extremely difficult to pick them out. Well, okay . . it's hot... we had a bite and forgot, but the impression began to deteriorate in earnest. Further riding on elephants and rafting. Elephant riding is something. It is necessary to take a ride, because it is impossible to convey impressions and sensations in words. All skiing is about 2 kilometers and 40 minutes. With bathing on an elephant in the river, when he pours water from his trunk on you, it is quite enough and unique. But the alloy is clearly unsuccessful and ridiculous. The river, despite the fast current, is quite calm and friendly. At the start of the rafting, and on the raft, 5 people with a Thai, we all jumped into the water and only held on to the raft, leaving the Thai helmsman in splendid isolation with his bamboo raft. There were no rapids and rapids. There was only one small whirlpool, but it did not even turn our raft around. Of the unpleasant sensations - the waste products of elephants, dumped by them into the river when swimming - tragically caught up and overtook our rafts, and it was not very pleasant to swim next to them. The way back from the rafting on a tuk tuk was so fast that after swimming some of them caught a common cold, and subsequently felt unwell.
Then dinner and hotel with massage. Dinner is good for a four, the hotel is also nothing, it’s very exotic to sleep in a hotel swaying on the water with quite acceptable service, but instead of sewerage - holes in the floor - and you can see how the fish affably hint at the need to visit the toilet and provide them with a legitimate dinner. We tried to catch - the fish bit off the hooks along with the fishing line and bait. And since there were few hooks, fishing was not successful. Night in the jungle is something - take ear plugs if you intend to sleep.

Morning-breakfast is excellent, on the way to the waterfalls. Moving about 3 hours and here you are in the reserve. They warn about wild monkeys, about snakes, but apart from a monitor lizard and one completely tamed, wildly grazing monkey, no one else was found, but waterfalls are something.
Firstly, it is very beautiful, and secondly, the purest water in the lakes after the waterfalls, suitable for swimming, the presence of fish that massage the whole body, trying to find the flakes of dead skin, and literally licking you - simultaneously exfoliating the whole body. And what is Charcot's shower on the third waterfall when you put your shoulders and scruff under the weight of water! In a word - Great! Then a quite decent lunch with a buffet and an untiring one and a half hour transfer to a radon spring. The source is quite competitive with a similar source in Abkhazia - in front of New Athos, but the service is of course incomparable.
And now, having received 100 baht plates with the faces of saints in a radon bath (of course, yours), follow on to the pineapple farm to a shop of all sorts of Thai exotics with a tasting of 40 degree tincture, noni juice, and exotic medicinal teas. This is an amateur, but there are no inflated prices - everything is an amateur.
But then a long, tiring journey home with an incomprehensible stop at the market at crazy prices and a traffic jam in Bangkok.
So the return with an hour delay at 10 pm - the duration of the tour is a little less than 2 days (departure at 5 am, the previous day). There are many pluses, minuses, in my opinion, too, the price is 2700 for an adult, 2000 baht for a child. The guide is the famous Seryoga (as he positioned himself), who worked with Mazaev on the transfer in Thailand. The tour operator who provided the service, either Sabay, or I don’t remember how.
Subsequently, from a messenger in Pattaya, we learned that we had not been to a Buddhist temple, and we were not taken along some terrible road, but this is all on Seryoga's conscience. But they stopped at the market and bought real potato chips.
As for the show, they said that Tiffany was cooler, but we didn’t honor with our presence - we really didn’t want to change Bounty for some kind of nonsense.

Next, where and what to eat. Since there is no all-inclusive system in Thailand (which is just great by the way), you have to look for a place where and what to eat.
The laziest choose a restaurant at the hotel. Well, in this case, there is nothing to say, along with the high cost, it is convenient, pretentious, but not always tasty.
Next are the tourist spots. For the most narrow-minded, who do not know how to connect two words in English or at the very least, Russian-speaking restaurants with high prices will explain themselves with gestures.
Further, ordinary tourist restaurants with good cuisine for various needs, but still high, although after Moscow, quite reasonable prices.
The next option, opened by us, is the Lotus store (a trading network like our Auchan), where !!! Attention!! ! On the second floor there are a bunch of about 20 mini cafes, united together by one payment system. Let me explain: you go up to the second floor on the escalator, then go right, without entering the hypermarket hall, go to the cashier and get a card on which you put any amount (like in the park), but unlike the park, you can at any time You can withdraw all your money without any fees. This was done in order to exclude fraud and from a sanitary point of view to prevent chefs from working with money, which is very correct.
Food is prepared in minutes right in front of you. You just need to point to one of a dozen dishes and say the cherished know spice. In our case, a family of three rarely spent more than 250 baht. With an average cost of a dish of 40 baht. The baht can be roughly equated to the ruble.
And finally, the last way is eating at markets and snacking in hotels. The method is risky, but also acceptable due to its simplicity and cheapness.

In the conditions of our hotel, Naklua Beach, there was another well-trodden way of having dinner. After the sea, having driven a hundred meters from the hotel in front, we got to the fish market. What was not there....(in the sense of fish and marine gadots). We bought a kilo of king prawns - 150 baht per kilo or some kind of fish, live. We gave it all to the chef of the restaurant in the evening, and for 50 baht he boiled and fried it all for us. Very tasty and cheap. . .
So we finished with the food... And to talk. Communication with Russia is optimal when buying a local SIM card with 35 baht on the account. The guide costs -150 baht, in small supermarkets - Seven Eleven 90 baht, you can also top up your account there. Minute of conversation with Russia 5 rubles. Communication is excellent.
Well, that's all. Although a few more important little things - suntan creams, ointments, medicines, etc. are better to take with you, because local creams whiten the skin, and medicines are generally incomprehensible in chemical terms. Effects on the body. Cotton clothing in Thailand is inexpensive and high quality, but lacks long sleeves and large sizes. Household appliances are either the same or cheaper than in Russia. We bought a superb automatic thermos kettle for 500 baht. Fotik bought a 12 million pixel Samsung for 2900 baht to replace the one drowned in waterfalls. Soda with water - in numerous supermarkets from 6 to 15 baht per unit with a straw, and in bars and on beaches for 20 baht (this is not Egypt and Israel). Thirst was mainly quenched with chopped fresh fruit for 20 baht a serving, or coconut milk from a coconut with a tube, for 20 baht. But not with the coconut that we sell in Auchan, but three times larger in volume. None of the acquaintances had gastric disorders.
As for alcohol, you should not bring it from duty free. There is a local whiskey - 1000 sergeants and rum in a light box, everything costs up to 200 baht per half liter and is of very decent quality. Beer is also quite good - ranging from 20 baht to 40 depending on the density and quality - almost everywhere.

And the last souvenirs. Remember that you can officially take only 20 kg on board with you, and we have about 80 for three, the first suitcase is 34, the second is 28. What to do? It’s a pity to throw something away, paying -520 baht per kilo of overload is expensive. We decided to make each suitcase 26 kilos, and the rest to take on board, because outerwear is not weighed, we covered souvenirs for it. It's gone. In general, many were initially sent for repacking. Don't rush to register, but don't be late either. Thais do not need Russian homeless people who have fallen behind their plane at their airport, apparently there are enough of their own. As for the fruits we transported, we transported more than 10 kilos of them. And no one said a word to us at Domodedovo, we were just in no particular hurry to leave the customs zone and disappeared among the Egyptian flights.