Так себе за требуемые деньги So-so for the required money

Lavender was the only "chalet" hotel that had rooms available at the time of the trip. At first glance, this option did not seem to be a compromise, because in the photographs everything looks more than decent, and the reviews are mostly only good. But for the first time they let us down. What is the main problem? The hotel does not meet the price level. From service to food.

Let's start from the very beginning. Arrival. There is no transfer system as such. The maximum - they will call you a taxi, but for some reason, on average, 50-100 hryvnias more expensive per person than if you yourself agreed with minibuses at the station in Frankivsk. By the way, a seat in a minibus costs about 150 UAH.

Okay, we arrived, settled in quickly, we go into the room ...Everything seems to be fine. BUT! Having cooled slightly after the trip, you find that it is cold in the houses. It's okay to be so cold.

Before our arrival, it rained for a week, the temperature was not high, and in the evening, dressed warmly, we burned firewood and drank herbal tea, because we almost "gave oak" from the cold. Thank heavens, every day the weather was getting better, and that's why it was getting warmer in the houses. So in the evenings we already managed without a fireplace and froze only in the morning, reluctantly pulling our bodies out from under a warm blanket. To be honest, it's a strange policy - they say, it's not winter, why heat it?

By the way, since we are talking about the bedroom, then be prepared to fight for a warm sheepskin rug - it is only on one side of the bed, and its price on a cold Carpathian morning is equal to the price of a bottle of water on a hot Egyptian day. To better see your companion in battle, grab a flashlight - in the bedrooms there are only wall sconces and lamps on the bedside tables; there is no chandelier on the ceiling, so you will live in eternal twilight.
Do not take a lot of things either: there is no wardrobe in the bedrooms; there is only a cabinet for 2 medium and 1 large drawer, so most of the clothes will comfortably huddle in a suitcase by the bed. Outerwear was more fortunate - there is a closet on the ground floor. Do not expect to place other things there - it is not adapted for this, and you will quickly get tired of running back and forth in the morning.
If you suddenly want to ventilate the room, do not hope. In both rooms, the windows were broken because some local alcoholic molfar designed them, and not an architect - a window opening of such a size that the window sags under its own weight when open and breaks the lower hinge. It's bullshit, little ones.

Waking up, put on disposable slippers (which you will never change until you ask) and put on a terrible quality bathrobe.
More about him, because I have never seen such an ass: it is made of the same fabric as a fucking soviet waffle towel! Waffle robe, Carl! In the room for 2200 per day! It is clear that you can forget about the feeling of warmth and comfort in it.


Then you stomp into the bathroom. Here is a small note: the bathrooms are located on different floors, so if you come with a group, you will have to decide right away who will wake up like a gentleman and go to the bathroom, and who, like a serf, will go down to the first floor to the shower room. Because if you put all the hygiene items in only one VK, you will have to hammer on the door so that the one who is there will give them to you, which, you see, is not very pleasant for the latter. And most likely you will just be culturally sent to the valley with the phrase "I'm in the shower" or "believe me, you don't want to come in. " Or you will have to wait long and tediously until the other does all his business and passes the baton to you.
This moment is somehow not thought out. You think, so what, I’m just passing the time reading the morning news feed? And banosh between your nose - Wi-Fi in the chalet works so badly that it seems that it is transferred to Lavender from fucking Bukovel.

Okay, you got to the shower, climbed in, lathered ...And that's it. You can put soap in your mouth, even in the asshole, because there are no shelves in the shower cabin of a room for 2200 per day. I had to be smart - I placed it in the groove between the sliding door of the booth and its wall. In a room with a bathroom (on the 2nd floor) there is no such problem. Fortunately, hot water is present both there and there. However, please note that after 22.00 the pressure drops, and by 23 it disappears altogether. There are also questions about the frequency of updating bathroom accessories - again, until you ask, you can even wash yourself with clay and coffee grounds. Although it’s better not to - the drains are already clogged and the water flows slowly, little by little ...

Well, okay, let's say you woke up, washed, then - breakfast. I mean, a local restaurant. This is a gesture, in general. Breakfast - tough tin, in particular. To be honest, I have the impression that I'm not on a vacation tour in a luxury hotel, but something a la "Carpathians savage". If we talk about the restaurant in general, then it is expensive, not only for Tatarov, but rather even for the level of cooking. I won’t name exact prices, but they are at the level of an average restaurant - 250-300 hryvnias per person. This is if you eat whatever you want, but without alcohol. The minimum normal food intake is 150-200. It's not a day, if that. And at a time. Cooking is extremely mediocre and cooks an average of 25-30 minutes. That is, you come to a restaurant, pay like in a restaurant, wait like in a restaurant, and they take you out the usual? ram on a stick - like in a canteen. There is nothing restaurant-like in food - with a stretch you can call it the level of the "Pot-bellied Hut", but even then some dishes work out better for them.

Service? "Neither shaky, nor roll. "
Tables are not served. Everything - forks, spoons, knives - must be taken by yourself. After the dishes, the stump is clear, the appliances do not change. The dishes are also not removed - empty dirty plates will accompany you until the end of the meal. I think you have already guessed that it is not worth mentioning any promptness and professionalism of the waiters. They smile every other time, and thanks for that. And you will wait for the menu as long as the Jews were waiting for an independent country. So even the cooking that they bring to you will seem like the food of the gods, which they simply did not finish and generously lowered to you.
Oh yes, I do not advise you to sit down at the table closest to the stairs, otherwise you will have a meal to the accompaniment of grunting plates and the clatter of waiters.

In short, so this is the Tatar view of what should be, I'm not afraid of this word, a restaurant, his mother.

Oh yes, breakfast. Well, forgive me, pi#dets. For a long time I have not seen sausages and sausages made of paper.

In fact, they buy people the cheapest sausages for breakfast! This is a complete alles! That is, they are so cheap that if you find a place where they sell the saaaaama cheap sausages and sausages and tell the seller "pssst, guy, but there is even cheaper", then he will tell you no! Because Lavender sells them. Omelette. Their omelet is such a Western Ukrainian pancake with an egg. Seriously. There's just an unreal amount of flour. I don’t know why they do this, but you can safely eat an omelet for dessert with jam and tea. By the way, there are problems with it: black tea in Lavender is a popular and scarce thing. If they drank it before you (if there was one at all), then God forbid, there will be a new one only tomorrow - momentarily no one updates anything. In general, sometimes there is no tea, and if there is, then this is a fucking Greenfield for 1.50 UAH / bag. And you wanted custard? Wake up.

I can’t help but highlight the banoche in Lavender, or rather the cracklings.
Guys, I'm drunk on the board with my eyes closed on a piece of metal heated in a fire in the rain in the forest, I'll fry greaves better! Because these are stupidly heated square pieces of bacon. Someone tell the cook that greaves are from the word "squash".

Okay, we've had some food, can we go watch TV? Well, you can, of course. Only the sound of the transmission will be constantly accompanied by some incomprehensible humming and buzzing. And most importantly, understand what the hell is this sore, because no matter what you click, it does not disappear.

Well, God be with him! They did not come to the Carpathians to sit in front of a box. Better shake the fat and play table tennis. Oops! There is only 1 table, and if you didn’t have time, then bye-bye, another time. And if you are not as lucky as we are, and some overworked athletes live with you in the hotel, who do not get off this poor table all day and night like a eunuch, to which everything returned, from a girl, then there will be no other time.
No luck with tennis = / And it was so difficult to put 1 more table ...

Then let's ride the bikes. But, again, this is if they still remain. Because there are only 5 of them for the entire hotel, and whoever gets up first gets to ride. And believe me, even these killed ones will be great for your happiness, because Lavender is in the very asshole - at the end of the village, and it takes about an hour to get to the rental - to the center. So forget about walking to the store - you need to buy everything you need right away, in advance, because the Vuiks didn’t think of making an affordable store either.


By the way, about the location - it's "mommy'm dying. " The hotel is located right next to the road, along which, like on the way "From the Varangians to the rivers", caravans of trucks drive back and forth around the clock. There can be no talk of any fresh air - your entire stay will be connected with walks along this road, because there is no forest or just a deepening of the village nearby.
The peculiarity of Tatarov is that it is stretched along the road.

Okay, what about the quality of housekeeping? I can only say that one morning I found a haymaker spider in the bathroom and deliberately did not tell anyone about it - I wondered how long it would live there, when it would be removed. In general, the spider, as I understand it, has been living there since the opening of the hotel and no one has bothered him for a long time. Maybe even feed. And what did you expect if there are only three cleaners for such a huge complex! Three! Three unfortunate women in such a hotel! Of course they clean up accordingly - for the sake of appearance. At what, even if you are present in the room. But no pretense.

In the evening, driving away such stress, you most likely want to set the heat on your companion. Only all Lavender will know about it - the bed creaks as if you are having sex not with your wife, but with her. What is violent and harsh.
You can, of course, go to complain to the reception, but most likely there will be no one there. The administrator always disappears somewhere...

In general, such things. I do not advise you to go to Lavender, and even to Tatarov himself. There is no service here, and Lavender, in comparison with other local hotels, is not so bad yet. In the restaurant "Paciorki" and "Olga" we came across a fly and a wasp, respectively. Better take a simpler room or pay extra and go to Bukovel. Here everything is clear.