Нам не догнать швейцарский сервис, так побьём же швейцарские цены We can't catch up with the Swiss service, so let's beat the Swiss prices

Impressions about the hotel, about the resort, are the easiest and most complete to describe in two words: a filthy scoop.
The hotel has eight floors, we lived on the sixth: me and my girlfriend at 613, my brother at 614. Both rooms are doubles. My brother ordered a single room, but something didn’t work out at the hotel - they put someone else in the wrong place.
It is cold in the hotel in general and in the rooms in particular. The people were amazed that even I was cold, because they knew my habit of dressing very lightly even in cold weather and remembered that in winter I skated in a sleeveless T-shirt on an open rink. One gets the impression that the guests are part of the heating system, because in the morning it becomes warm in the room, but during the day the room cools down again.

Having rolled and returned, be prepared to either wait sweaty and smelly for three or four hours, or freeze in the shower. Water from a hot faucet will flow not quite cold. It will be warm, but its temperature will be lower than the temperature of the human body, so you will have to freeze. After three or four hours it will be possible to wash - the water will be really hot and you will even want to add cold to it.
There are no dryers, well, and figs would be with them, there would be ventilation in the room, but there is no ventilation in the room either. The only ventilation grill is in the sun block, but I did not notice the effect of its presence. Moisture has nowhere to go, glasses (double-glazed windows! You won’t believe it - double-glazed windows! ) are permanently fogged up, so be prepared that the liners in the boots and the ski suit will not dry out either, so either take everything in duplicate, or ride in semi-dry, like me ( love brut? T-shirts, which I took for every day, dry exactly 24 hours.
The furniture was left over from the USSR, the whole room is lined with peeling chipboard panels. Beds made of the same chipboard look like they can withstand a direct hit from a nuclear bomb, but are terribly creaky. Add Soviet soundproofing to this - everyone will know about your love.
Sanblok remained from the USSR. The shower is not hung - you always need to hold it with your hand. My brother said that he hangs himself - how lucky his brother is, how unlucky we are. The shower is leaking from the wrong side. No matter how you close the curtain, after washing, there will be a puddle on the floor. Well, on the other side, from which it is supposed to, it, in principle, flows, which is good, but from all other sides it also gushes rather well, which is bad. I don’t have photos of the shower at work, because I couldn’t find such a position of the shower in which there would be no risk of flooding the camera. But there is a photo of the sun block, according to which a professional acrobat will surely appreciate the trick that needs to be performed in order to sit on the toilet with its face pressed into the shower tub. The toilet seat was previously split, and then repaired with two self-tapping screws, which are hospitably stuck with protruding points in the ass of anyone who sits on it, because they are screwed from the inside out. Apparently, the budget did not allow buying a new toilet seat: after all, in Moscow such a set of a toilet seat with a lid costs about 50 rubles.

However, eyewitnesses say that in the "Mountain Peaks" the sun blocks are even worse. We met the guys from there, so they wash only in the shower pool and prefer to go somewhere else on business too.
The ceiling in the room is flooded and falls off in pieces. I don’t know how they managed to fill it, but it’s a fact.
In the most filthy Turkish hotel in the room there will be a TV and a telephone for communication with the reception, but the Dombay hotel is not like that. There are TVs in the halls, but you must have a mobile phone.
There is one socket in the double room. The charger for my brother's phone died there, and our chargers began to work like in that joke about the police flasher. The called electrician made it so that our socket began to crackle when the charge was plugged in. The person on duty on the floor, to whom I gave the phones and the battery for the camera to charge, said that the mobile phones just have short plugs and they do not reach the contacts. We need to call the spouses Sonya and Erickson and their brother, Siemens - let them think about their behavior, scumbags.
The top light, which disappeared on the second day, is still being repaired.
Dining room. Breakfast ("breakfast" as written in the schedule) and dinner included. I didn’t even eat this in the USSR. Or ate, but my memory pushed this nightmare into the subconscious to protect my psyche from damage. You have to come early, otherwise the edible will end, and the rest will be cold. They manage to spoil everything they can, even rice. Claims were not only to pasta and mashed potatoes. Yes, it's cold, but at least you can eat it. Sausages, judging by the taste, cost 18 rubles per kilo or so. All over the dining hall are signs "if you like it, we will offer supplements. "

One morning, the brother, who had met a good girl the day before and was now in a state of love for the whole world (otherwise I cannot explain his act), decided to ask for more meat. The waitress who came up said that this was not allowed for an addition, but only a steak. We already knew that "steak" in the local dialect means "patty made from what can be called 'meat paste' with the surface scorched to a bulletproof state", so we refused.
One day I found myself sitting on a pile of wet cabbages piled on a chair - I hadn't thought to examine it when I sat down. It was obviously not the visitors who placed it there, which follows from the food technology in this dining room: first, salads and plates of bread are placed on the tables, then the eaters enter the hall, sit down at those places where the salads have not yet been eaten and order a second course from those what the waitress suggests.
The hotel also has a paid disco in the basement. It's called "Lighter". They put one speaker out on the street absolutely free of charge and the hotel guests could enjoy the roar of modern and not very hits of domestic and foreign pop music until the early morning. On the second or third day (night) I enjoyed the hits so much that I wanted the local police to listen to them, and at the same time I explained to these makeup artists that if they have no conscience, then there is a housing code. I won’t tell how I called, but never called the police, but the summary is this: hope that they won’t kill and rob you in Dombai, because if anything, they will rob and kill you quite calmly.
After the bummer with the police, I went to the reception, although I didn’t believe that something would work out, because I thought that it didn’t bother me alone, and since this continues, it means that all previous walkers were simply sent far away. There was no receptionist at the reception, but a man happened to be nearby, who said that he had sent for the administrator to pull him up to the tonsils behind the speaker on the street. I stayed to watch. Ten minutes later, a tired-looking man in years appeared, who introduced himself as the deputy director. A few seconds after he realized why they wanted to pull him up to the very tonsils, he sent a security guard to tell the discotheque to turn off the speaker in the street. I immediately became uninterested and I went back to the room, while the man behind me was telling the deputy director how it was not good and how in St. Petersburg he would fuck the hotel and travel agency with complaints for this, to which the deputy director agreed and kindly offered to use his forms and faxes.

The hotel has equipment rental, cafe, bar and sauna. The cafe outwardly resembles a decent middle-class Moscow restaurant, like Taras Bulba, only without visitors and, basically, without staff. A couple of times, a guy turned out to be at the counter of a cafe, who each time figured out for a long time, using a piece of paper written by hand, how much the beer we ordered cost. In my opinion, he did not find the necessary information there and spoke at random. Bar (also known as "billiard room", also known as "fireplace room") on the same floor. There are several crooked billiard tables. When asked how much a liter bottle of cola costs, the bartender honestly answered "I don't know. "
We ordered a bathhouse three times, but were only twice: the first time the attendant, who seems to live in this bathhouse (this is not a joke), went out somewhere to get some air, so we froze for about 15 minutes (to go to the bathhouse down the street, but not far, 10 meters, so they didn’t get dressed) and went to take the money back. Two other times we took a steam bath, and both times the attendant stayed with us. I am not a fan of baths and I did not know the traditions on this subject, but the others said that this was not normal, just like the unbearably icy water in the bath pool.
There is also equipment rental. The skis are very long and look like cross-country skis. A brother who has been riding for a long time said that there were such ones in the last century.
The prospectuses to the hotel often write something like "medical office, bowling, sauna, Russian bath, swimming pool", etc. This should be understood as an artistic exaggeration. Sauna and Russian bath in this case, apparently, are two pseudonyms of the same thing. The medical office for me was expressed in the above-mentioned deputy director, who kindly found a roll of adhesive plaster in his place when I needed to patch up a hole in my leg. Bowling and a swimming pool throughout Dombay are only in one place - in the Mountain Peaks (such a hotel). Bowling contains four lanes of incomprehensible production, each of which has its own characteristics that make it unique: one is noticeably crooked than the others, the other puts one pin less than necessary, and then counts this pin as knocked down. The third eats the balls, not wanting to return them. 800 rubles per hour, plus 50 rubles per person. The pool is nothing, only seven meters from one of the sides, the depth decreases so much that I start to touch the bottom when swimming, and the lockers from the same chipboard do not close, and in the shower there is only one drain hole for all the cabins, but after all the rest of the dombai somehow you don't pay attention to it.

I described everything that is in the Dombai hotel, there is nothing else there and I don’t care what the brochures think about it. The rest is at best in the village, and the quality is traditional for Dombay (do not think that the Dombay hotel is just a freak in a family of slender blue-eyed blondes).
Everything about the hotel.
Resort.
There are many rentals on the street, where radically killed equipment (no need to ask this on purpose, it's just that it will be) can be rented for 200-250 rubles per day, which is cheap. My girlfriend got this. My brother and I had our own equipment, which is a big minus on Dombai. After the first day of skiing in the funicular, you can hear conversations like "shouldn't you take rental equipment to ride these slopes, otherwise you feel sorry for your own. "
The slopes are wild. In principle, there are snow groomers, but they travel more on their own private business, such as delivering skiers to the top of the mountain (3200), where there are no lifts. My brother told me very funny how one snowcat decided to level the slope, and one of the skiers drove along the leveled place, so the snowcat driver leaned out of the cab and started cursing the skier that he was spoiling the track for him here. Wildness (hereinafter the brother's definitions, since this is my first time at a ski resort and I have nothing to compare with). Zero security. The trails are not fenced or marked, and there are no mats on the chairlift supports. You can ride more or less normally only where it is well rolled out by other skiers. The slopes are like washboards, legs are killed at the moment from such a ride. The brother was nostalgic for the prepared slopes of civilized resorts, where at a speed of 120 km / h there is almost no shaking.

A step to the right or left from the knurled place means a flight into snow 20-30 centimeters thick, covered with ice. Turning on such a slope is fraught with disengagement of skis. Even on what can be considered a track (since they are not marked, we will consider the track the place where most skiers and sometimes snowcats ride) there are stones and whole stone glades, while some stones can be seen a little in advance, and which You only see them when they fly out from under the snow, knocked out by a ski. The brother then mourned for a long time his top skis, which met with such stones several times. There are two toilets on the entire slope, one of which is filthy paid, and the second is free and much worse. It’s good for men to be kitty, but it’s more difficult for women.
There are old lifts on the mountain that have been decommissioned. Do you think that the cables uncoupled from these lifts were taken out of the mountain so that, God forbid, one of the skiers would not get caught and break their leg? Think again.
On the first day, I spent $50 on lifts.
European temptations, such as "pay 160 euros for six days and ride wherever you want" are not here. At best, there is a subscription for the day. There are two armchairs on the mountain, one was built by the Yugoslavs, it costs 80 at a time or 800 per day, the second costs 100 at a time or 600 per day and there is always a queue for it, while 600 per day can be sold to you, or they may not be sold - ride once.
The word "skipass" cannot be used - they will not understand. Near each lift there is a native with a bundle of money - that's the whole ski pass. The dudes who have to watch the safety on the lifts can do anything - take a nap, talk on the mobile, my brother even once saw them painting a bullet in the pref. I saw the lift at the start drag one guy who fell out of his chair ten meters before the screaming people prompted the dude in the lift control to stop him. The man sat down, the dude turned on the lift and again buried himself in the newspaper.
I spent the first two days on the ski lift below. The man in front of me was somehow hooked by the collar by the lift and dragged to the return wheel. The whole lift was yelling "stop, " but the dude collecting the money had no time for that. The man remained alive only because at the last moment I managed to pull the yoke from his hood.

It costs 300 to get to the mountain itself. 200 from the village on a chic Austrian lift with detachable cabins, then 100 on a chairlift. It is not long to go from the Austrian to the armchair, but along a terrible rockfall with a slope of 40 degrees. I asked my brother if there is anything like galoshes for ski boots. He said that he thought about it himself, because it is a pity to walk in such a nightmare in good shoes, but since he had not encountered "such pidarism" (quote) before, he does not know. You can’t return on a chairlift, as you have to go up the same rockfall. You need to go down the only red track on the mountain. Watch out for rocks and ropes!
I almost forgot about the dead dogs on the slope, but for two days I was going to photograph them and photographed them. The fact is that German Gref, Minister for the Development of the Underdeveloped Economy, was supposed to come to the opening of the second stage of the Austrian lift on the 24th. To do this, a few days before the designated date, two large buses of Gref's lackeys were brought, and the magic wasteland that needs to be overcome in order to get to the first stage of the lift was covered with rocky earth and pebbles the size of a large apple, after which it was all leveled, for which the minister thanks - it became much easier to walk, and without it, figs would have moved there.
With buses a separate trick. There is such a German company - Mercedes, which makes pretty and reliable expensive buses. Her logo is a ring with three rays inside. It was this symbol that was on one of the buses with toadies. There is another company - Shan-Yan, already Chinese. It also makes quite nice buses, but the price, you know, is not Mercedes. The logo is a ring, inside of which there are two flattened ellipses, slightly protruding beyond the ring. This logo was emblazoned on another Kholuy bus. The funny thing is that the buses are absolutely identical in appearance, and in the place where the Mercedes logo flaunts, it is easy to see traces of flattened ellipses protruding beyond the borders of the logo.
So, about the dogs: apparently, in order to prevent Gref from being eaten at the top, someone on the same day took care of the dogs around the lift and the climbers could have the pleasure of contemplating the corpses on the slope. The crows also liked it - they ate one dog to the skeleton in the evening.
You can eat on the mountain in a bunch of cafes. The menu is the same everywhere, but the quality is different. We liked most of all either in Sunrise or in Edelweiss.

The trip cost me more than thirty thousand (20 thousand flight, the rest of the hotel), plus I spent the same amount on the spot, plus a friend spent another 13 thousand. This is despite the fact that we did not buy anything. This is for two. In Turkey or the Alps, some of us would have been licked to a shine for this money, plus the equipment would not have gone so far. Bratelnik expected that his skis would last him five years, but after Dombay he believes that he will have to change in two years.
In general, if you are a masochist or if all other options have failed, or if for some other reason you have drifted to Dombai, the best thing to do is to leave your skis at home, take rental ones, buy Obolon on the way from the airport, so that it is, what to eat in the evenings, go uphill in the morning and take a subscription to the chair lift and under no circumstances go to other local entertainment, so as not to spoil your mood even more.