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Hotel "Villa Oliva", Petrova, Montenegro.
July 2016.8-15.
Could (probably) be a solid European triple (practically by German standards), but there are some “buts”.
The list of these “buts” is below, mixed with simple impressions.

1 No WiFi in the rooms. That is, nominally, it seems to be present if you go out onto the balcony, magically knock on the tambourine, say the right words (like “Come ball”) and take the right position in relation to the moon. But...it doesn't work.
In any case, this was the case with me (hereinafter, we are talking about a room in section E, it is located about twenty meters from the main building with a reception).

2 Air conditioning in the reception area and in the restaurant, which is practically the same thing, frankly does not cope. Dull and hot. Highly. If you, dear reader, ask yourself the question “What do I need a reception for? »Let me remind you that the Internet does not work in the room. That is, for "happiness" (or, in a sense, for a "dose") you need to go to the reception.
3 There are frankly few tables on the open terrace. (And we remember that the restaurant itself is hot and stuffy). There is also a terrace on the roof, but the author does not know how to get there.
4 Food. The breakfasts are quite the same. You can eat up (as well as during dinner), but monotonous. Unfortunately.
Fruits, for some reason, were greenish. Or even green, I would say so. It is not clear why, because at the hucksters on the "hundred-meter" by the sea they are surprisingly tasty and juicy. But - expensive.
5 What else? There are two (like, according to the scheme) pools, but the author was not in them (and nearby). Judging by the shouts in French, there was still animation (there were many French tourists in the hotel).
6 There is a car rental (from the hotel), the offer consists of three miserable cars. VW Touran (fur), Yaris (aut) and Passat diesel. In general, diesel in Montenegro is in amazing high esteem, however, as in other European countries.
For me personally, it’s just a rumbler, and even incredible.
Unless you need to go to the nearest eatery in the heat during the day (and the heat, I must say, was incredible).
9 The territory is relatively well-groomed, there are a lot (or quite a lot) of olive trees. The nearest one, judging by the sign on it, was 400 years old. That is, Napoleon, for example, there were no plans yet, but it was already growing. So that.

10 The “Don’t turbuvati” sign (eerily red) does not have the desired effect on local cleaners. They break in like special forces, and ...It's a joke. They just break in. When you are not. Or when there is, it doesn't matter. In the second case, however, they immediately flee (throwing “sorry”). Cleaning is rather strange (well, or unusual), - the garbage remains to the full (such as large packs of sweets, cookies, beer cans full and not, and the like). Sheets and pillowcases may or may not change. Maybe it depends on the mood of the cleaner, I don't know. Or maybe tips change the situation in the bud, I haven’t checked.
By the way, towels during any "breakthrough" change necessarily. Even if you didn’t ask to change them (that is, you didn’t throw them on the floor, as is customary). Loss of something valuable (and not very) was noticed.
11 Parking. This is a problem and should be taken into account. If this is relevant to you.
12 The food is generally good. You can always find something for yourself, and eat up with your head. But, as I already said, with fruits, a complete out. YES and desserts, frankly, so-so. Apart from the fact that there are a couple of them, in the best (and worst too) cases. True, pancakes are baked, hand-made, in front of your eyes. Those are delicious, yes. Toppings to choose from - honey, nutella (or its equivalent), jam, crushed nuts (and, it seems, that's all).
There is always pizza, the quality has not been checked. One time there was no ketchup (do you hear, Carl? ? ! ) but oh well. He (ketchup) was not at all (absolutely) because the author chased him into the waiter's kitchen. Ate scrambled eggs (or scrambled eggs) without it.
13 Sea. Near. About thirty meters to go, and here it is.
Good, clean, bright. A couple of sun loungers with a stationary umbrella cost 8 (sort of) euros / day. At night it's free (just kidding). Pebble beach (at least where the author was lying). If you don’t rent a sunbed, they won’t let you lie down just like that. Thanks to this, you can be on the beach relatively comfortably. For those who want to save money (or those who do not want to pay, which is about the same thing), there are separate sections of the beach - without sunbeds. "Bychkov", that is, cigarette butts (joke) was not particularly noticed. Bykov too. Not a joke. There was also no other rubbish.
By the way. There were no toilets on the beach. Dressing rooms, yes, those were. Maybe not needed? Don't know. Found it uncomfortable.
14 Local. In general and generally friendly, and unhurried (very).

When you encounter the second s (that is, with slowness) during service, it can be annoying if you are not used to it. Strongly.
There is no particular language barrier, if there is a misunderstanding, the situation can be easily resolved with the help of gestures. Read in Montenegrin (?
Or is it Serbian? ) is much easier than talking. And if the text is also with pictures ... ; )
15 From the airport to Petrovac (the village where the hotel is located) about forty kilometers. Part of the road falls on serpentines (that is, mountain roads), some kind of gap for um ...the fucking city of Budva, where the traffic jam turned out to be no worse than Kyiv. And so nothing, you go to yourself and contemplate the typical landscapes of the Mediterranean.
16 Mountains. There are many of them, they are green and cute.
17 Excursions (everyone has a standard set, and the prices are about the same). For food prices, by the way, the situation is the same.
18 Rent-a-car. Prices are also, on average, the same. There is only a moment that they can take an additional 20 euros for a drop-off. Well, another five or two for something else. I do not know other nuances, I did not take a car. Just read the terms and conditions.
19 From entertainment - the very notorious "hundred-meter" on the embankment, which in fact is a kilometer (maybe one and a half) of a fairly well-groomed embankment. With cafes, shops and tour. agencies mixed. And "Eat" is in clear favorites. Take something, even if you don't really want it.
20 Ice cream. Fantastic, I recommend. Especially Italian. (We are talking about what they sell in balls). I advise, very much. (! ) Balls of an unknown manufacturer for 60 kopecks do not inspire confidence. They were true, only in one (sort of) place. The rest - everywhere for 70 and delicious.

21 Cafe with good tea and cakes (and ice cream too) is called Panini, it is approximately in the middle of the embankment. I also recommend. The only ones (of those where the author was) who had AltHaus tea. Nothing supernatural, of course, nonetheless. Tea in the hotel, by the way, swill. Complete. Forgive me for being direct.
I may have missed something, but that's basically it.
Didn't try the local coffee.
Outwardly, as everywhere, including ours.
22 There are some anachronisms, such as prints on T-shirts with the inscription "All right" and the muzzle (forgive the face) PTN. You understand who I'm talking about (the one for the slow-witted people). True, it was a one-time accident, we will consider it an unfortunate misunderstanding.
There were no other reasons for interethnic conflicts.

Yes, here's more. Tea - 1.5 euros. Cakes 1.5-3.5 euros. Eat: the second 6-15 euros (portions are usually crazy. That is, huge), beer 2-3 euros, the first 2-3 euros. Local beer is quite okay. That is delicious.
Watermelon 1 - glass, 0.8 / kg - cold quarter, 0.5 / kg - in a shop next to the hotel. Ice cream 0.7 - ball. Fresh - 2 - 2.8 / glass. Apricot (on the waterfront) - 4.5 / kg selected.
In regular supermarkets (not in the resort), prices are about 4 (four) times less. I saw it on the way, on huge video boards (that's what they are called? ).

All payments are in euros, you guessed it. I clarified that they have no other currency.
Perhaps in the EU they (Montenegrins), nevertheless, strive moderately, because as of "today" Ukrainians do not need visas (for up to a month, but that's a completely different story).
If Schengen was needed here, I personally would choose another country.
And apparently I'm not the only one.
Montenegrins themselves do not need EU visas either.

There are three (minimum) supermarkets in Petrovac, both close to the hotel, ask. There are also enough pharmacies visually. Was not inside.
Drinks on the embankment are slightly more expensive, but (!! ) much colder than in parquet floors. Pay attention to this.

Cream for (or from? ) sunburn cost the author 10.5 (ten fifty euros, Carl! ). It seems to me that it is better to buy in Kyiv and take it with you. Beach towels of dubious quality - 5 euros, those that are better - 15. There are no other options.


Russian speech with a characteristic pronunciation cuts the ear a little. And it happens much more often than we would like.
And not as often as Montenegrins would like (they complain that from year to year the passenger flow of tourists from the CIS is falling).

Fines (traffic rules), as they say, are not for children. The tow truck works quickly (I'm talking about improper parking, as you understand), it is expensive. Up to a hundred euros. According to observations, local people respect the laws. At least those of them that regulate traffic rules (and retail too).

If we are talking about retail - they give a fiscal check immediately, at the time of serving you dishes, for example. Even before the calculation, even if you pay in an hour. So everywhere and always. Our fiscals can only watch and cry.

At the airport, checks are not marinated for a long time. (What can not be said about her when flying back). The author waited longer outside until the people (who met him) deigned to take his carcass to the hotel.
They were waiting for someone or something, the reason was not clarified.

Ticket price. For two, for a week (July 8-15, let me remind you) the author cost for two at 30.8 gr. Moreover, the price range was 30.8 - 36 (thirty-six, Karl! ).
The most greedy tour operator turned out to be TPG, the most modest (or dumping, but what do we care? ) was Zeus.
Someone else had a price of 32.5 I don’t remember the name.
I took a ticket, of course, in a travel agency. Not from the operator.
They scared me that there could be fouls if you take from Zeus, in fact everything was gut. That is, as usual, and approximately the way it works everywhere. In general, it looks more like the desire of a travel agency to earn more (and who has the right to blame them? )

Subjectively, the normal price of this (or similar) holiday is 1000 usd for two. And this is with "all inclusive", that is, + lunch, sun loungers on the beach, well ...and you can have a bit of beer and tea is normal. In fact, it cost about ~ 1.500. This is with everything, including 500 (! ) UAH for parking in Boryspil. Walk to which from terminal D about 10 minutes. In the heat and blazing asphalt. Do not repeat my mistakes, give a hundred to a taxi driver, he will take you comfortably and quickly.
I came to this idea late.

Comparing with the Crimea, of course. .
In general, no comparison, although not much, I explored our, in the past, peninsula.

In general, a good holiday.