Adventures of the Bremen Town Musicians. Modern version!
Location: Germany
Characters: comrade Anetka and comrade Gudik
It was evening, there was nothing….
- Why don't we have a beer? Delicious! - said Comrade Gudik and winked meaningfully
- Zhigulevsky? ? - Annette teased
- German! ! - retorted Gudik
- Lets do it!
… so the awl in one beautiful place spun, and it was decided to wave to Germany for a couple of days.
We quickly bought Wizzair tickets to Cologne, found a chip hotel on the Internet, received visas in a day and began to pack our bags!
Chapter 1. Terrible.
No signs of trouble! How the right travelers left the house on time, arrived two hours before the start of registration, had a smoke ...and started!
Queues of Ukrainian emigrants, young girls with children, business men, and elderly people who obviously flew to visit the children, lined up at the registration. Behind us were two tall, slightly fumed men.
Seeing girls with a blond child, they commented: “Mom is taking little Hans to show the folder! » …
I flew with Vizer for the first time, and I liked it! The planes are very clean, bright (the color of the seats just pleased me), the staff is smiling. A young pretty blonde sat next to me. During the flight, we got to talking and got to know each other, it turns out that she was flying with a transfer to Amsterdam. The flight was fast, and now the landing time is already approaching on the clock, and we are still in the sky ...and then we hear the pilot “Dear passengers! We are flying over Cologne, but due to heavy fog over the city, we cannot land! We will circle over the city for another hour, if the fog clears, we will land. If the weather does not improve, we will fly to land in Dortmund, or another nearest airport! "..."Oh, nifiga to yourself! ”- we read this on the faces of the neighbors! Our new friend fidgeted in her seat and said she was afraid of flying!
Realizing that there would be a panic, we began to captivate her with conversations, although I confess that I myself was frightened!
An hour passed ...and we still circled over the city. Everyone started tugging at the stewardess, and she finally announced "The weather in Cologne has not changed, we are flying to land in Dortmund. " Landed. We look out the window - not an airport, but a chicken coop! All passengers began to rise from their seats and rush to the exit. BUT not everything is so simple! Another announcement from the pilot “Dear passengers. We cannot let you out of the plane, because there are no customs services on site. We will wait an hour and if the weather in Cologne improves we will fly back to Cologne. If not, we will call the police and customs! ". Everyone began to resent, because many had transfers to other flights, our friend was also late for her train to Amsterdam. One of the passengers became ill, she was soldered with valacardine.
No matter how they tried to persuade, they did not let us out.
Within an hour of waiting, a plane with Turkish citizens arrived, which caused outrage (they also need customs officers! ). Again an hour passed and a new announcement from the pilot “Now everyone who wants to get off in Dortmund and get to their destinations on their own - get off the plane, we lower all the luggage and you pick up your things. And those who wish to return with us to Cologne stay on the plane. We will load back the remaining luggage and wait for the weather to improve! ". It became clear that this scam would take at least another hour, and there was no point in wasting your time waiting. We got off the plane. At customs, we realized that the whole plane had left! =) The plan was to get to Dortmund, take a walk and then get to Cologne. But, having found out in INFO that to get to Dortmund with a transfer and you still have to wait, we decided not to tempt fate. Thank you (I don't even know who! )
), we were given two buses, and all passengers were taken to Cologne airport (100 km from Dortmund airport). At 12.20 we were at the airport (instead of 8 am).
*for clarity - I understand perfectly well that this situation is pure force majeure, and in no case should you blame the airlines! *
Arriving at Cologne airport, we headed to the DB train station. Line S13 leads directly to the city center. Thanks to Vadim, a fellow traveler from our plane, he gave us an easy introductory course on local trains and left his phone number in case of force majeure: “Well, all of a sudden you will have to explain yourself to the police or something! » O_o It was difficult to understand the train tickets: there are different types of tickets (group, family, single, etc. ) and different areas of the city (district). Using the "scientific poke" method, we determined that from Cologne-Bonn Airport we need a ticket to Cologne district 1b, the cost is 2.40 euros alone.
As we were explained, this ticket is valid in one direction, even if you make a transfer. So we passed the main railway station (and Hauptbahnhof (Hbf) station), reached the next station Hansaring and changed to the U metro line, drove one stop to the Mediapart / ChristophstraBe station. Our hotel was right there on Kristofshtrasse. We open the glass door of the hotel, in front of us is a narrow hall, a high staircase with a blue carpet, flowers ...“It's strange, we don't seem to be VIP guests, and I didn't take a ball gown! » An elderly man stood on the stairs and looked at us with interest.
- Hello, two blondes answered.
- Wellcome! Ver ar yu frome?
- From Ukraine!
- Ltd! Healthy Bulls!!! ! !
A very warm welcome awaited us, the owners turned out to be our immigrants, but at that moment they were not at the hotel, but their assistant was, whom we met on the stairs. We were given a wonderful number, we left our clothes and decided to quickly make up for the day spent in the air! !
We went out to the aforementioned street and decided to “circle” around the area. At the very first turn, a terrible stench hit us in the nose - we stumbled upon garbage cans right on the sidewalk! Then we went to the Church of St. Gereon. This is the oldest church in Cologne, which was built in the IV century under the Romans. The building is very large, and inscribed in modernity - on its territory there is a kindergarten and residential buildings. Returning to Krishtofstrasse, we saw huge peaks towering over the entire city. It was Cologne Cathedral (aka Dom), Cologne's most famous landmark. As we walked down the street, we marveled at the grandeur of this Cathedral. He's just HUGE! It is the largest Gothic cathedral in Germany and is under the auspices of UNESCO.
Near the Cathedral there is a central railway station, right there is a square and a staircase leading to the Cathedral. You climb it, look up - and you feel like an insect!
The construction of the Cologne Cathedral began in 1248, but a year later, work stopped and was resumed only in 1823. The cathedral was built on the site where Christian meetings were held in the late Roman Empire. Cologne Cathedral miraculously survived World War II. Its height is 144 m and its width is 86 m. The towers are 157 m high. The treasury of the Cologne Cathedral is the most significant in Europe, surpassing in importance even the treasury of the Vatican. But the main value of the Cologne Cathedral is undoubtedly the chest of the three kings, which contains the relics of the three holy kings (three magi): Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar.
I was most struck by the stained-glass windows on the huge windows inside the Cathedral. It seems that they fit all the biblical stories. There are organs throughout the Cathedral, even under the ceiling there were organs. What a pity that no one played them! We left the Cathedral and decided, on the advice of experienced people, to climb the left tower of the cathedral.
But since these experienced people did not explain which “left” this tower was from, and our little heads were intoxicated with fog, like the sky over Cologne, we walked around the Cathedral a couple of times until we understood how we could climb up the tower! Finally realized that in order to go up, we need to DOWN to the toilets and a souvenir shop and there was an entrance to the stairs. Climbing the tower costs 2.50 euros
No, I certainly guessed that it would be difficult, but not as much! The ascent was by a narrow spiral staircase, the width of the steps of which was about 80-100 cm, the staircase was shrouded in a stone wall and in some places there were muddy narrow windows through which light entered. The whole wall was painted with inscriptions in different languages, drawings - only graffiti was missing. While you are going up, someone is going down, and it is quite difficult to miss each other on such a narrow passage (considering that we had photographic equipment, it was already similar to extreme sports) ).
In some places, the steps were fairly depressed, and one involuntarily thought about what kind of load they had to make the stone bend under such a weight? ! Having reached the height of the bell tower, we were greeted by the inscription “Help the bear! » with the corresponding photo. Oh youth! ! ! )))) Further rise, rise, rise, and finally we have a passage. We leave, and there ....Another staircase! Well damn, what is this? ! Out of breath tourists sat around on the stones, who smoked, who drank water. We sat for about 5 minutes and decided to finish off this tower. The staircase we had to climb was made of metal, an ordinary such staircase, about 5-10 meters high, surrounded by an iron mesh. But, if climbing the stone stairs we did not see anything through the windows, then there were HUGE windows without glass, spiers, many structures, and below you the whole city and the Rhine. The height is 100 meters, the legs start to tremble, the stairs are the same.
However, I was surprised by the fact that everyone goes up the stairs, but NOBODY goes down. A kind friend suggested that they all jumped right into the Rhine there !! . . Ha, I'm not the shy one! “The proud Varangian does not surrender to the enemy! "(c) and we still mastered it! The view from the tower is of course grandiose: the streets of Cologne, the left and right parts of the city, the Rhine, steamboats, small islands and the Cathedral itself!
They overcame the descent with ease, went to the square in front of the Cathedral and passed the Ludwig Museum with a monument to a huge silver priest, went to the Rhine embankment. There were a lot of beer houses, colored houses, a lot of greenery, but something was not right ...Dirt, garbage, a lot of creepy-looking individuals. It seemed that we were in the "black" quarter and we were now offered coca! Here the old men rode bicycles, and they were not at all surprised by what was happening. Probably Germany "open mind country" * strange with free views *
We walked along the autumn embankment, admired the Rhine and turned into the old districts of the city, where there were just an incredible number of breweries! In Cologne, they brew their own brand of beer, called Kö lsch. Each brewery has its own taste of this beer, and it is served in 0.3ml minzurkas. The price starts from 2.80 euros for such a "glass". It gave us great pleasure to photograph the signs in front of the pubs, this is a kind of emblem of the institution. Someone has an iron flower, someone has a whale, a neighbor has a lion. All of them are very beautiful. Walking through the back streets, we went to the Alter Markt market, where the Town Hall (Rathaus) is located. The town hall building in Cologne is considered the oldest in Germany. It was built in 1330 on the foundations of the old town hall, which has stood on this site since the 12th century. Today, this magnificent building is a successful architectural combination of late Renaissance and German Gothic styles.
The facade is decorated with 130 stone statues and arches supporting the balcony.
Then we went to the shopping streets, with many boutiques, markets and restaurants. We decided to have a bite and opted for a kind of McDuck, only in it instead of meat - seafood. A huge salad in a plate in the form of chips with tuna, shrimp, delicious cheese, lettuce leaves and something else, cost us 5 euros, and we ate it together. Here we also bought local beer. Loved the fresh baked goods. Various baguettes, rolls, sandwiches. With such a sandwich at the price of 2.50 euros, you can have a good breakfast. While we were having lunch (dinner), it got dark, and we rushed headlong to the Cathedral in the hope of taking night photos. Already running up, we realized that something was wrong - it was DARK! ! ! Where is the backlight? ? But what about beauty and lights? ? We were upset and grumbled that we were carrying a tripod in vain (and I dragged it, that is, I grumbled! ). Well, okay!
We approached the central railway station and began to photograph the departing Expresses. We turned to the Cathedral, and there ..... God, how beautiful! ! ! Like a Phoenix rose from the ashes! The lights caught the wonderful figures on the peaks of the Cathedral, the House itself changed color and seemed to be pink, then green, then blue. The illuminator did a great job! Night Cathedral is grandiose!
While we were taking pictures, we had an embarrassment, passing people got into the frame, and I shouted in hysterics, “Stop pliz! ”, to one of these“ stops ”I heard a reproachful answer -“ It was possible in Russian! ". And so it was on every corner, Russian speech was everywhere!
The time on the clock was 20.00, everyone began to close shops and curtail trade, the city began to die. We, having soberly assessed our physical capabilities and desires, decided to stomp home. We popped into a store near the hotel and bought different types of beer. The price was the same for all types - 1.10 euros for 0.5ml. So, sitting in our warm, cozy room, we tested the beer.
Tired, exhausted, full of emotions.
Eyes opened at 07.00 German time. The program for the day was modest - two museums. Well, yes, we are naive, we thought it was fast!
Leaving the hotel room, we decided to arrange for the delivery of the keys. There was no one at the reception, but someone was making noise upstairs. I got up and bumped into a man.
- Hello. (hello dear)
- Hi, sprechen Sie Deutsch? (and you don’t get sick. Do you speak German? )
- No, only English. (no, you sho! Toko English! )
- Where are you from? (where are you from? )
- O! Dynamo Champion! ! ! ! ))))))
So we met another hotel employee, a rather cheerful uncle, also from the former USSR, a football fan. We definitely enjoyed this hotel!
So, first on our list was the Ludwig Museum. Entrance 10 euros. This marvelous museum houses one of the largest collections of Pablo Picasso's works, surpassed only by the Parisian and Barcelona collections.
Irena Ludwig, the widow of the German art patron Peter Ludwig, after whom the museum is named, donated 774 works by Picasso to the museum, including 49 unique works, 29 ceramics, 37 watercolors, 15 engravings and 681 drawings. On an area of approximately 8.000m, the museum exhibits one of the world's leading collections of modern and modern art. The exposition covers expressionist masterpieces and German painting of the 1920s. 20th century , Russian avant-garde and surrealism, paintings by Dali, Miro, Magritte and an extensive collection of graphics. Another part of the exposition is devoted to pop art and presents works by Roy Lichtenstein, Warhol, Rauschenberg, Jasper Johns and Sehgal. It is worth noting one of the most famous collections of modern photography in the world. Lichtenstein's work fascinates me! It's just a mind blowing. I got great pleasure!
Dali's work is not even worth commenting on, it's just “Aaaa, OOO, uuuu, ah, wah, madamaragaya! " Only emotions. A faithful friend in general had her eyes rolled up like a drug addict in ecstasy. We wandered around the Museum for about four hours, maybe more.
We left the museum and headed towards the second destination - the Wallraf and Richartz Museum (Wallraf-Richartz-Museum). Wandering through the streets, we went to the Town Hall and saw a large number of brides, guests with flowers and balloons, a coachman in a carriage drawn by white horses. It was Friday, and the newlyweds were painting in the City Hall. While I was photographing the fleeing bride, she spotted me and shouted something to me (I hope she just said hello). Each newly signed couple was sprinkled with rose petals and presented with gifts.
My attention was drawn to two tall blondes, 35-40 years old, blue jackets, dark blue trousers, hair carefully gelled, there were signs of a solarium on their faces, an obscene description of their appearance escaped.
- Gudik! ! Look what! Probably the groom's friends. Where is the bride?
Probably hiding!
An hour later, sitting on the observation deck in the Wallraf and Richartz Museum and looking at the Cathedral and the Town Hall from a height, the following picture appeared before us: guests came out of the Town Hall and began to congratulate those same two men in blue jackets, began to take pictures with them and give them gifts.
- Hey, mother, but the bride is not there! They are blue! ! ! We witnessed a gay wedding! ! ! O_o
- Welcome to Germani Darling! Same-sex marriages are allowed here!
So, about the high - the Wallraf and Richartz Museum in Cologne is one of the oldest and largest exhibition halls in Germany. Entrance 9.50 euros.
It houses the world's largest collection of medieval paintings, especially works of the "Cologne school", as well as a large collection of graphic works. The central place is given to the section of the Middle Ages and Cologne easel painting from 1300 to 1550. and the art of the Renaissance. Baroque is represented by masterpieces by Rubens and Rembrandt, and the halls of the nineteenth century. devoted to the period of romance, realism and impressionism. Also on display are Gerard Corbo's collections and sculptures. A huge number of paintings on biblical themes, old icons. The paintings of the classics are so realistic that any 3D effect loses its meaning. The canvases are huge, traced the smallest wrinkles on the faces. These are incredible paintings, priceless both in terms of price and cultural relic. They don't know how to draw like that! Immediately we were lucky enough to get to the exhibition - Do or Die. The Human Condition in Painting and Photography.
The exhibition will be open until January 9.2011 (if anyone has time) =) The main idea of the exposition is to show how the perception, composition and formula of pathos of the old painting are changing in the present tense by comparing painting and modern photography. Simply put, an old picture is taken and a new staged photo is made on its basis. The famous photo "Girl in a bonnet" was replaced by the painting "Girl in a bag on her head. " The works of Anna and Bernard Blum and Boris Mikhailov and many others are presented. Incredible exposure!
The total amount of time spent in the TWO museums was in the region of 7-8 hours. His eyes were incredibly baked, because they eagerly peered into each picture, his head was spinning from lack of air. We sat down at the first cafe that caught our eye and ordered a huge dessert of caramel and amaretto ice cream, and, well, cappuccino (for caffeine to stir the brain). Emotions were a storm. I have never had such cultural saturation!
Our compatriots were sitting next to the table again and drinking champagne =)
End the day with some shopping! We bought a lot of beautiful things and souvenirs for relatives. They wanted to get into the pub, but we were covered with rain and we rushed home like wet chickens. We ran into the store for beer, and immediately two Germans stuck to us, tried to tell us something in German for a long time (judging by the amount of wine that they bought, they were clearly not talking about museums), but we were so tired that we just watched they didn’t even have the strength to say “niht fershtein. ” After 10 minutes of their monologue and my phrase “What do they want from us? "They finally realized that we are not local people and filled up with a bunch of questions: " Where? Ukraine? Odessa? Kyiv? Very good". Oh, those drunken Germans! The Turkish saleswoman laughed at them and twisted her finger at the temple in their wake.
Departure to Kyiv was at 8.00.
We began to count the available coins - not even enough for 1 ticket. What to do? ? ? Everything is closed and there is nowhere to exchange. Nearby on the bench sit-sleep a Negro. Gudik pushes me to the side and asks me to call for help. Wake THIS miracle. He breaks into a smile, the remains of cookies on his lips, a clear smell of fumes! Says “You need a credit card, put it in the hole! ". I take out my MasterCard (a naive fool), we try to put it in, the machine swears at us, we understand that it does not fit. The Negro, seeing that there is no sense, loses interest in the machine gun and gains interest in the form of Gudika's priests. And off we go: “Where are you from? Why would you fly away? Stay! Then fly! ". Gudik, feeling that there will now be an attempt on her priceless ass, gives me an emergency signal. We grab a suitcase and fly from the station to the street.
At 05.30 hours. We decide to rush on foot to the Central Station. While we were rushing with a suitcase on a hillock, we were offered a couple of times to continue the parties with local muchachos. At 05.
47 we were at the station. We finally got tickets for the next train S13 on 06.12. There was no way out, registration still ends in 40 minutes, we had to be in time. Shock-2 awaited us on the platform: an incredible number of drunk, stoned comrades. One copy managed to get out of the car to fall between the train and the platform. Others were sleeping right there. One company behaved absolutely dumb - they screamed, jumped, whinnied, rolled on the floor. All the tourists (only from this platform the train to the airport was going) looked at them in shock. There is clearly no simple alcohol. Surprised by the lack of police. For all the days we never saw the policemen, only 2 police cars standing alone in the same place - empty.
We got to the airport around 06:30. We managed to get lost in terminal D, and miraculously go straight to the check-in desk of our flight. We made it. The flight was late.
For the first time in our lives, we both had the joy of returning HOME.
So much weird. How could we not like Germany? A lot of homeless people, they were everywhere. A lot of punks, "informal" youth, drunk, dirty. In addition to tourists, Turks and Arabs, it seemed that there were no Germans in Germany. Perhaps this is a problem of a big city, but knowing how many of our immigrants live there and in small towns, the question arises: “where did the Germans go? ".
