Куба форева Foreva Cuba

Good day to all.
This was our first trip to the other end of the world and expectations did not disappoint us. They flew from Domodedovo by Transaero. A red-faced security guard wandered around the plane and sniffed at the passengers, asked provocative questions about alcohol and led his nose like a marginal traffic cop. At the end of the flight, having sniffed the answers, he moved to the tail of the plane, curled up and drooling happily fell asleep. We went on an excursion, like for water, to look at this snoring drunken torso. Also, according to rumors, two aunts fought in the first salon, fought to the death, pulled out hair and tried to scalp each other, they probably thought Cuban machos could be lured with a bald skull.
At the Varadero airport, we passed by rested departing compatriots. Sad, tired, tanned muzzles, with blue noses and red eyes, looked at us from behind the glass. Showing them the language, we went to customs. There were no special problems with customs, and within an hour we invaded the land of Cuba. While we were driving to the hotel, some experienced “Groom Fedorov”, who had been to Cuba and, according to him, was almost the main sidekick of Fidel, or even Che himself, frightened us with scary stories about mutant crabs that puncture the tires of tourists’ cars. At the hotel at the reception, we were quickly handed a card from room 5309 and a foil-sealed plate with grubs. To our question “barbarmia? ”, like “Where should we go? ”, the aunt answered “Kergud” and pointed into the mysterious distance. Unfortunately, we did not find the Negro Maksimka, who would show us the room and take the suitcases, and therefore ran around the hotel for another half an hour, colliding and greeting the same Russian poor fellows for the 45th time. They were easy to identify by suitcases with the inscription "Domodedovo" and a plate under the arm. The room was in the next building. In appearance and content, it was quite standard, standard mosquitoes, refrigerator, TV, etc. There was a sandwich and a banana on the plate, and water, beer and some soda in the fridge. After having dinner and taking a shower, we went to bed, but alluring Cuba, not letting us fall asleep, called us in search of adventure. But this journey ended at the hotel, as a 24-hour bar was calculated not far from the reception. We easily tamed the aboriginal bartender by throwing one euro coins into his pocket, since we had not changed the cookies yet. And a miracle happened, he began to love and understand us! And although he was completely wild and illiterate, that is, he did not understand Russian and even English at all, we somehow understood that he now loves Russia and if he has a son, he will call him Volodyaputin, and if his daughter is Dimamedvedevna . Still, Cuba is a wonderland and a few coins with a lighter as a gift begin to work wonders. The bartender admitted that his name was Lazuro and for some reason blushed, but in view of the peculiarities of his hairiness, we called him Shaggy. And he, looking around, said that he was ready to sell us 11-year-old rum for a ridiculous price of 25 cookies and local coffee, too, "GOOD PRICE". By the way, I’ll tell you about the exchange rate, for 100 euros they gave 137 cookies, and for 100 US dollars 85 cookies.

Morning at the Atlantic is something. Extraordinarily beautiful sandy beaches, majestic and kind ocean. True, one could find garbage in the sand - plastic bottles and glasses, but I think it's not the hotel's fault, but dirty tourists. If anyone compares Egypt and Turkey, and God forbid the Black Sea resorts, those will be struck by the desertedness of Cuban beaches.
Breakfast simply fascinated us, as from some children's books, we sat at tables with goodies, we were served by blacks and called us Signors. It is worth noting that the food has always been 5 plus. I liked natural juices, delicious ice cream, pork in various forms, seafood. Although the choice of dishes was not as great as in Turkey and Egypt, everything was very unexpectedly tasty. But even among the Russians there were comrades twisting their noses and snorting at the wretchedness of the table. Such comrades are not our seniors, but I simply express my opinion. To finish the topic of Bacchus’s possessions, I’ll let you know who are especially curious, only those who lack show-offs can sign up for dinner at hotel restaurants (Italian, international and Cuban), and it’s better to dine first in an ordinary restaurant, and only then, having hung around with cameras and camcorders, go for impressions in thieves' restaurants. Those who are not satisfied with the quality of cocktails in the bar at the reception should visit the evening bar near the beach. The bald amigo arranges funny shows in it, juggles bottles and throws ice into glasses over his shoulder. True, nature did not reward him with accuracy, and therefore the genre of this circus performance, either clowning or juggling, remained a mystery to us. The Daytime Snack Bar gave the hungry rations of their choice, either crap with unleavened chips or unleavened chips with crap. But with beer, rum or whiskey, everything flew away for a sweet soul. By the way, I recommend everyone to take thermal mugs, firstly, your mug is a priori, and secondly, the drinks in it are always cool, all foreign foreigners walked along the beach with such ones, it is very convenient.
There were never any problems with cleaning the rooms, a cookie on the pillow, a tube of nail polish as a gift and everything is always clean. Once we were ambushed by a maid, a black woman with pink palms, and for a long time emotionally beat the earth, thanking for the presents. I advise you to take an adapter for sockets with an adapter for 220 with you on a trip. A safe in the room is a useful and necessary thing, it is especially nice that it is free. The air conditioner plowed like Papa Carlo during periods of inspiration. Of the minuses of the room, it is worth noting the peeling bath, mosquitoes biting the legs and the lack of water in the refrigerator. Probably Cubans think that we, like camels, can get by with a bottle of water for 2 weeks.
Now about transport and excursions. You can and should ride a cube on everything that has wheels. To begin with, we took a 55 BC dryndulet-swivel-cabriolet, and swollen with pride, we swept it around Varadero for 20 cookies. If you want to explore the whole city and not depend on anyone, rent scooters for a day in the hotel lobby. If the man in the hall, the chief of mopeds, asks you something, say all "SI-SI" and you will be happy, because he asks for sure if you know how to drive. A liter of gasoline is given with a moped and therefore it is necessary to fill it up immediately, gasoline-refueling to the right 4th block and then to the left. We got one moped that wouldn't start with the key. After walking around him with a tambourine and spells, we were already desperate, but then we decided to just start the pepelats with a foot lever and, lo and behold, he wound up. Advice to all, wear a long-sleeved shirt or immediately smear your hands and face with sunscreen, otherwise you will return to the hotel with a sunburn of 10 degrees.

About excursions. Comparing prices, we realized and then empirically convinced that excursions are best done not by bus, but by taxi. Even if the three of us go, it turns out cheaper and plus a taxi driver can take you to very interesting haunting places where official bus tourists do not go. So we went to Havana and to a diving center in the Caribbean, with a visit to a crocodile farm. Each trip costs 180 cookies. One problem, there are only 3 Russian-speaking taxi drivers in the whole Cuba. If anyone is interested, one of them is Comrade Osmani with a phone number +535294156.
In the hall of the hotel, not far from the bar, an elderly gentleman constantly sits during the day, who has made it his life's goal to sell someone at least one car for rent. Since, in addition to Spanish, he spoke only Alfendio, Lilau, and probably Albanian, we decided to communicate with him with gestures and pictures. In the process of communication, it turned out that he is also a wonderful Mime and judging by his gestures, grimaces and jumps, he can even get us a Titanic with a Dicabrio tied to the bow of the ship for a trip around Cuba. But when we ordered him the 307th Pyzhik-cabriolet, which he had in every catalog, after long calls to his homies, he became sad and said that there were only 3 such jerks in all of Cuba, and 2 of them had just broken, and the 3rd someone just rented it. Then his eyes lit up and he began to sell us some kind of miracle of the Chinese car industry. For a long time he tracked us down in the hotel and shook the catalogs, muttering something, raising his hands to the sky. I will say that, in the end, for traveling around Cuba, we rented a Hyundai H-1 minibus from one office. By the way, I recommend it to everyone, spacious, diesel and comfortable. By the way, for those who are interested, renting such a unit costs from 9 am to 8 pm the next day 370 cookies with a full tank + 250 cookies of insurance, which will be returned if you do not kill this Pepelats.
Lyrical digression… Having prayed, we rushed to the unknown CUBA, the end point of which was Trinidad. The navigator, with a map of Cuba uploaded in Navitel in Moscow, first told us to go to the fields, then turn into the sea and run over a local policeman picking his nose along the way, looking down a little, he advised us to drown ourselves in the ocean, and finally grunted terribly and died. But we did not lose heart, we found a map of Cuba, similar to a map from a pack of Belomor, and rushed along it into the mysterious distance. You can watch this journey here http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=nSJLhPtQMeg. By the way, I consider this trip the best adventure of the whole trip to Cuba. It is almost impossible to get lost in Cuba, you just need to smile at the natives and say, for example, Trinidad. I do not recommend planting crowds of Cubans voting by the road. Firstly, it is impossible to understand where they are going, secondly, there is nothing to talk about, since they 100% do not understand anything other than their native language, and thirdly, it will be a whole problem to get them out of the car.
The problem of spending the night in Trinidad was resolved by itself, in the square near the ruins a cheerful English-speaking black man in shorts and combat boots approached us and offered us a place to stay for the night. Taking us around the city, he showed us several good private hotels. In one of them we stopped at 10 cookies from the nose. The hostess prepared a dinner with lobsters (15 cookies per pug) and a great breakfast (4 cookies) for an additional fee. Negro Rafael drove a couple of times for rum to the supermarket, and each time he dragged his different children with rum, who had to give all the available souvenirs. They even wanted to give the smallest one the steering wheel from our car, but fortunately they did not find a suitable key. In the morning, Rafael drew himself up again and gave a tour of the city, we estimated his services at 15 cookies, and apparently moved, he shed a tear and “turning on the fool” shod us for another 20 cookies. Waving his hand after him, he ran to the square to look for the next bad tourists.

Not far from Trinidad, we found a secluded beach and hiccuped in the Caribbean. Mystically, 2 fisherwomen suddenly appeared on the shore, and a friendly conversation began between us for many hours, from which we only learned that one of them was called Yusmani. The second put on our fins, a spear gun, and dived into the sea. In 2 hours he shot 2 small lobsters, 3 fish and 1 large sea crab. In the end, they invited us to their village, where we got acquainted with the whole family, treated ourselves to the shot catch. What struck me the most was the poverty in which they live. Crabs and lobsters got stuck in our throats when we thought we were eating these kind people. After giving them 20 cookies, we rushed home and all the way to Varadero wept into each other's vests. By the way, at one of the gas stations we were honestly cheated, we bought 10 liters of diesel fuel for 12 cookies, we were fueled by a Cuban with honest eyes like the Pope. But having driven a few kilometers, we realized that we were driving on an old stock.
It is a pity that we spent so little time in Cuba, there were a lot of interesting things in the hotel itself, a yacht on the beach, a salsa school, excellent daily animation, a magician, discos, evening performances by a cheerful group with sad songs in the hotel lobby.
Wait for us again CUBA!